Ask the White Guy: Is It OK to Alter Your Standards to Conform to Another Culture?

The White Guy responds to a reader's comment regarding the imminent repeal of "don't ask, don't tell" and what consequences could result when cultures conflict where our troops are stationed abroad.

Luke Visconti's Ask the White Guy column is a top draw on Visconti, the founder and CEO of DiversityInc, is a nationally recognized leader in diversity management. In his popular column, readers who ask Visconti tough questions about race/culture, religion, gender, sexual orientation, disability and age can expect smart, direct and disarmingly frank answers.


[Here] is an honest question that hit me this week after a briefing from the Afghan Marine Brigade commander. My comment is regarding the eminent [sic] repeal of DADT. If it is repealed and gays are serving openly, what happens in the Middle East and Afghanistan? I am certain Al Qaida and the Taliban will use this as recruiting propaganda in Iraq and Afghanistan. Sorry if it seemed offensive, I am an ENDP (Myers-Briggs) and it is in my nature to ask tough questions that bring out the strongest arguments from people. I think it is critical to examine the impact of these decisions. I think the timing for the repeal is very, very bad.


This is a good question—and a common theme in diversity management. The answer goes back to defining values.

Our culture is increasingly demanding respect for people's orientation. As Admiral Mullen said in the congressional hearing about ending "don't ask, don't tell" (DADT), "No matter how I look at the issue, I cannot escape being troubled by the fact that we have in place a policy which forces young men and women to lie about who they are in order to defend their fellow citizens." I think he did a magnificent job in simply expressing the crux of this matter. President Obama recently put a deadline on ending DADT. It's just about over; our country's values have been expressed. Many gay and lesbian troops have served in the two wars we've been fighting for the past eight years (as they have served since our Revolution). We are at the threshold of finally respecting our service people and veterans for the whole people they are.

In my opinion, it is damaging to change our values to conform to other people's values.*

The minute we cede our values, we put ourselves on a slippery slope. What's next? Their culture doesn't allow women to be in positions of authority (outside the house)? OK, women won't serve in this area. Hmm, what about Secretary Clinton (or Secretary Rice, before her)? No problem, we'll send a man. Don't like Christians, Hindus, Buddhists or Jews? Of course—we'll send a Muslim.

Oh, oh—now WE look and act like the Taliban.

History demonstrates that you can win the war by projecting power kinetically, but you win the peace by projecting values. What is more of a recruiting aid to al-Qaeda? Upholding our civil and human rights—or our side torturing people and bending the law with "flights of rendition"? I think we help extremists best when we are hypocritical.

* This is not meant to give license to be rude. Do you prefer modest dress? No problem, we'll dress modestly. Don't drink alcohol or eat pork? No problem, we'll serve you halal meals and we can skip the beer today to be hospitable. Is it Ramadan? No problem, we won't have a business lunch.

Sexuality shouldn't typically come up in a business setting. For example, it's not acceptable to make out with or fondle someone in a business meeting, or a squadron picnic, in the cockpit, on the firing line, or out on patrol. Now if you ask about someone's family, you may hear something that is different than what you do (in my case, my wife and I adopted children that are not our race). That's OK—as a reader recently wrote, "I'm not different than you, I'm different like you."

One last thing: Our constitutional protections on religion mean that the end of DADT and a religion's rights are separate. Our Constitution protects your church, synagogue or temple from ever having to marry two men or two women. Those are our American values.

Two Different Cups of Joe: How The Coffee Bean and Starbucks Handled Racism

In an age of increasing racial confrontations, a business must have zero tolerance for discrimination.

In the Trump era, there has been a proliferation of Islamophobic and racist incidents across the country. When discrimination occurs at a place of business, it's apparent if the company's leadership and workforce support diversity and inclusion. A Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf café barista refused to serve a racist customer; meanwhile, a white manager at a Starbucks called the police on two Black men for no reason.

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Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Executives from Nielsen, New York Life, TIAA and Toyota Motor North America talk about communicating their commitment to D&I management and backing it up with actions that get results.

At the 2018 DiversityInc Top 50 event, more than 400 people were in attendance during the day to hear best practices on effectively managing diversity and inclusion.

Moderator: Luke Visconti, CEO, DiversityInc


  • Angela Talton, Chief Diversity Officer, Nielsen
  • Kathleen Navarro, VP & Chief Diversity Officer, New York Life
  • Steve Larson, Senior Director of Diversity & Inclusion, TIAA
  • Adrienne Trimble, General Manager, Diversity & Inclusion, Toyota Motor North America

Janelle Monáe Opens Up About 'Being a Queer Black Woman in America'

"I consider myself to be a free-ass motherf***er," the singer said.


In an interview with Rolling Stone, Janelle Monáe came out as pansexual — and she's owning her identity.

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We White People Need to Own This

Martin Luther King has been dead for 50 years and Donald Trump is our president. Who is responsible?


Luke Visconti is the founder and CEO of DiversityInc. Although the title of his column is meant to be humorous, the issues he addresses and the answers he gives to questions are serious — and based on his 18 years of experience publishing DiversityInc. Click here to send your own question to Luke.

We will be deluged by Martin Luther King articles and columns today. Some will be excellent, like the one Rev. Jesse Jackson wrote. But most will be saccharine sweet and not say what needs to be said.

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