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7 Things NOT to Say to Asian-Americans

By Stacy Straczynski

7 Things NOT to Say to Asian-Americans

Confronting subconscious biases and stereotypes about race is a frequent occurrence for many professionals in the workplace—in particular, those from traditionally underrepresented groups. While many comments and questions are raised merely out of curiosity or ignorance, it doesn’t lessen the offense.

“Stereotypes make people feel like they don’t belong, like they’re an outsider looking in,” according to Linda Akutagawa, a Japanese-American and CEO and President of Leadership Education for Asian Pacifics (LEAP). “It’s not necessarily the phrases or comments said, but the insinuations and how things were said.”
What can your organization do to improve cultural competence?

According to Jennifer “Jae” Pi’ilani Requiro, a Filipino-American and National Manager of Diversity and Inclusion for Toyota Financial Services, everyone has a choice of how he or she addresses negative comments. “In a case where there is a personal relationship and a certain degree of trust, I encourage people to have a private conversation to explain the negative impact,” she says.

Educating employees and exposing them to diversity is “critical to addressing comments born of ignorance,” says Dr. Rohini Anand, Senior Vice President and Global Chief Diversity Officer of Sodexo, who is Indian-American. “These impact how Asians are represented in the workplace.”

7 Things NOT to Say to Asian-Americans

1. “You speak English well. Where did you learn it?”
Typically meant as a compliment, this is one comment that really “pushes my buttons,” says Anand. “Just because a person has an accent—and possible appearance—that’s different than the mainstream” results in the assumption that a person can’t communicate.

2. “You need to improve your communication skills.”
Akutagawa does note that with globalization, there are increasing numbers of professionals who speak English with accents. And this can become an issue during performance reviews: Many times, Asian employees are simply told they need to improve their communication skills but are not given any elaboration on what that means.

“No one wants to come straight out and address the accent,” Akutagawa says. “It’s a two-way street: The manager has to think about what they’re doing to listen fully and be present in conversations.”

3. “Asians are not discriminated against. All of my doctors are Asian, and the Asian kids in school are the ones getting top honors. It’s the white kids who are at a disadvantage.”

Even positive stereotypes are damaging: The myth that all Asians want a career in medicine, math and science is limiting. Additionally, you should never assume that an Asian employee is the IT person.

4. “Asians are good workers but seldom want to become leaders.”
There’s a strong stereotype that while Asians are good individual performers, they are not leadership material—and that’s OK with them, according to Akutagawa. As a result, she says, there is an unconscious bias that prevents Asians from being considered for more senior-level positions.

For example, Requiro recalls an anecdote someone shared with her: “After voicing her opinion in a meeting, my colleague’s male manager said to her, ‘You’re not like my Asian wife. You speak up.’ It is hard to forget a story like that.”

Anand says the issue lies in a lack of cultural competence. Many Asian-Americans with strong non-Western cultural roots might have a quiet leadership style, more behind-the-scenes than what is considered mainstream. The solution? Draw attention to a variety of successful leaders and management styles.

5. “Can you recommend a good [Chinese, Thai, Vietnamese, sushi, etc.] restaurant?” Or “Chinese food is cat meat.”
Don’t ask for dining recommendations out of context or assume an Asian has this information on hand.

6. “Where are you from?” “No, where are you really from?”

Aside from the fact that the question already implies that an Asian is an outsider, repeating it is even more offensive. Akutagawa says, “I get the question only every so often, but it’s frequent enough to remind me that stereotypes are there.”
“How often do you go home?” also should be avoided. Requiro says her typical response is: “I am from the Monterey Bay Area. I can drive there in about five hours,” even though she knows this isn’t what the person meant.

7. “Asians are overrepresented at senior and C-suite levels.”
Despite a variety of data, including DiversityInc Top 50 data, that consistently prove otherwise, this is a comment Akutagawa heard a speaker say at a recent conference. “It was so blissfully thrown out. My thought was, ‘We have a few high-profile CEOs and all of a sudden we’re overrepresented?’ Maybe when people see the one, they feel like they’re being overrun.”

The actual numbers show that Asians, much like other underrepresented groups, are lacking representation in upper management: DiversityInc Top 50 CEOs are 8 percent Asian, and Fortune 500 CEOs are only 1.8 percent Asian.

5 Ways to Prevent Asian Stereotypes

Don’t perpetuate stereotypes—even positive ones.

Make opportunities available outside the stereotypical career track.

Assign cross-cultural mentors and offer stretch assignments.

Elevate the mission of resource groups beyond sharing cultural practices and celebrating Asian/Pacific American Heritage Month.

Draw attention to successful Asian leaders and role models.

More Things Not to Say

Any derogatory term

“You don’t act very Asian.”

“What’s your name again?

“You all look alike.”

“What kind of Asian are you?”

“Are you a bad driver?”

“Can you speak your language?”

“Were you a fan of Jeremy Lin?”

“Why do you only hang out with Asians?”

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20 Comments

  • I don’t understand why people would say any of these things… it’s difficult for me to understand stereotyping. People are people. Maybe it’s a generational thing? I often notice it is older people who tend to not like Asians the most. It seems rather inhumane to me… as if they are sociopaths that don’t understand basic human kindness and compassion. Unfounded hate is a illness that corrodes the heart.

  • Yohan Anthony

    I’m an Asian American, my parents are from Sri Lanka, but I have no problem with people asking where I am from, I’d rather them ask me than assume I’m African, Arab, Hispanic, or Indian, as many people have. And I don’t mind if people ask if I “speak my language”…most people who ask the aforementioned questions I’m ok with aren’t trying to be racist, they’re just curious and I understand that, I’m curious about other people’s ancestry. I think one should have some pride in their heritage, whether they be Irish, Cherokee, Japanese, Sinhala, etc. because it helps build some self-esteem, as long as you don’t use your pride of your heritage to put down others.

  • Raj Patel

    Ha! Number 1 is why I’m here. I was a bit annoyed when this girl casually asked me “How do you speak English so well?” and then promptly asked if I was born here. I responded that I was and she brushed it aside saying “never mind” as if it were not offensive at all.

  • I find this very strange. I do not find any of the above offensive. I enjoy very open conversation and the more I stay opened, the more I see a common thread that binds all of us.
    I graduated from one of the premier institutions the IIT, 29 years ago. Been with some of the brilliant minds and they cut across religion, region and community. We all made fun of each other, enjoyed the diversity ( a mini India ) out of respect and insight and not from politically correct view. In all these I learnt, how to understand what people say without taking offensive of how it is said. I know at the core of my heart, people across the world are social animals and want to be connected at a human level.
    I am afraid as we lose open honest communication in exchange for politically correct speech, we are nourishing a true Balkanized nation, with concealed predisposed views than develop honest deeper understanding of fellow humans.
    Ganes

  • Why is asking for someone’s name again offensive?

    • I was also puzzled by the prohibition against asking someone to repeat their name. I’ve sometimes had to ask white Americans to repeat their common white-bread name if I’m in a noisy environment where it is hard to hear. I just don’t see how it’s offensive to ask a name repeated by anyone if you just didn’t catch it the first time. (This is also coming from someone who has an unusual name and is always asked to repeat her name. I’d rather repeat my name and have people get it right.)

  • I find most of these questions odd, and usually I just assume that the person asking the question is a bit dim (unable to phrase a questions accurately), or is unconsciously egocentric. When I think they’re trolling, I just troll back.

    Them: Where are you really from?
    Me: I was born in Australia
    Them: I mean, originally where are from?
    Me: My mum’s womb.

  • It’s, indeed, interesting that even so-called “positive” stereotypes are regarded here as offensive. After all, there’s practically no reaction when WASP’s are regarded as “polite” or volunteers are considered “helpful”

  • I share Yohan Anthony’s and Ganesh’s opinions that most of the questions we’re asked come from the questioner’s genuine desire to know more about us and our heritage. My mother was Caucasian and my father was a very dark skinned Asian. Not only did they have a biracial marriage, but they reversed the traditional roles of “white man” and “native woman.” Believe me, I know what it’s like to grow up in a racially bigoted environment! I know what it’s like to go to a school friend’s house, have the parents see me, and then be told my friend can’t play with me anymore. My parents showed me how to keep an open mind and learn to distinguish prejudiced statements from genuine questions where a person simply wanted to learn more about us.

    I believe it was the great author, Pearl Buck, who first called kids like us “rainbow children.” When there are enough of us nobody will be just white, yellow, or dark skinned anymore. We should never tolerate hateful or belittling speech to us, about us, or about anyone else. We then have the duty to speak up and make it clear that we will never tolerate such speech. Even more important, we have the privilege, the obligation, to answer sincere – even when awkwardly asked- questions and share our knowledge. If we aren’t willing to be the teachers, how can we expect others to just “know” what’s all right to say and what is offensive?

  • Francesco

    There are some decent points here but others sound immature, entitled, and oversensitive. If you have an accent, then naturally folks will realize English is your second language. Take a compliment without the chip on your shoulder. I lived in Asia for a decade. I cannot tell you how many times locals complimented me on my language skills. Daily. Was I offended? Of course not. Also, I was frequently asked to recommend good American restaurants in my ethnicity, just as I am asked back in the States. It feels flattering to help.

    Frequently, I was told all white people look alike, look like hairy apes, smell funny, are dishonest, and far worse. I was also excluded fairly often because I was a foreigner–and charged more, denied employment, and cheated because I was a foreigner, too. This is serious and doesn’t really happen in America. Did I ever feel entitled to others pretending we were all exactly the same? No. And frankly, I enjoyed being different from the majority.

    It is because America is so unusually tolerant and welcoming of all nationalities that these 1st and 2nd generation folks get all worked up over what often are trivialities or even compliments.

    And by the way, I have been asked plenty of times in America where my forebears came from. For me, it’s something I am proud of.

    • Asians are still a small minority in North America because it takes longer to migrate from Asia to North America since they are very far compared to migrating from Asia to Australia and New Zealand since Australia and New Zealand are closer to Asia than North America.

      But anyway, in Atlanta where I live, Asian stereotypes are the worst. Even as far as their jobs go. Everyone always assumes Asians are either doctors, nurses, dentists, engineers, Asian food restaurant owners, pharmacists, nail salon workers, dry cleaning workers, and massage parlor workers and that’s it. And as an artist, people think I should have any of these jobs even when I can’t do them and quit being an artist because it isn’t an Asian job.

    • Doesn’t happen to who in America? Why do you think the anti-discrimination laws exist here?To try to equalize an otherwise unequal playing field…

  • Heritage questions are totally cool in my book. After all, it’s okay for me to ask a blonde kid where in Europe their family is from. It’s only annoying when people try to be politically correct. Pro tip, folks: nationality is how much the front of your passport reminds you of apple pie and cheerleaders. Ethnicity is how long you can be outside without sunscreen. It’s not nitpicking, it’s patriotism.

    Sidebar rant: “why do you only hang out with Asians?” is a completely legit question. Unless you are physically incapable of interacting with people outside your race, there’s no reason for all your friends to be of a race that makes up <5% of the population. Ethnic cliques are no better for diversity than country clubs and Brooks Brothers catalogs.

    • And I have to agree that in an environment where people of all nationalities and backgrounds are supposed to be celebrated, it is suspect when all of anyone’s friends come from the same nationality or race as they themselves wouldn’t be accepted or allowed into that environment if other people had a mindset like this.

  • Hello.
    It depends on where you are.mi have spent a lot of time in Hawaii and California and yes there are Asian stereotypes but every ethnic groups as stereotypes. I am not Asian but all my friends except one is Asian and since there Asian Community is huge here the stereotypes are not seen as much as some place where there is not a large Asian community base.

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