Comments on: 7 Things NEVER to Say to LGBT Coworkers

By: Debra

Debra — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 18:31:41 +0000

Mina,
People share information about their families all the time whether they are straight or gay. I am a college professor. As a PhD student I taught classes. Once, I was there on the first day when the professor was absent. She told me to tell the students about her. Some of the things she wanted me to tell them was that she was married and had a wonderful husband and two children ages fifteen and eight. Yet, when gay people tell colleagues and friends about their families it’s taken as an imposition. Why?
Now, as a professor, I tell my students on the first day about myself and my wonderful wife of seventeen years. IIf others are comfortable and happy to talk about their families, why shouldn’t we talk about ours and our lives with the same comfort?
How would you feel if I told you I don’t want to hear about your spouse needing to pick you up at 2 or your child being sick? What if every time you mentioned your spouse or significant other I change the subject, interrupt you, turn my head, turn down my nose or said, “I don’t need to know nor want to know.”

By: Luke Visconti

Luke Visconti — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 13:59:37 +0000

In this context, “normal” refers to people who do not have antisocial or narcissistic traits or disorders. People with those issues cannot by their nature care about anyone but themselves. Have you ever noticed that, while the haters have clear declarations, people on “our side” are often bogged down in pedantic discussions of semantic nuances, almost exclusively with people who agree with us? Whew. Luke Visconti, CEO, DiversityInc

By: KC

KC — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 17:18:42 +0000

Luke, I enjoy the aggressive response and am excited to see it among the usual pandering to hegemonic ideas and cultural inertia. That being said I would like to caution you against throwing the word “normal” around. Normal is a dangerous cultural idea that doesn’t make much sense on its face, and kills with its ideas. If you insist upon using the word then I would like to oblige you to clarify who you are referring to when you use the phrase, “normal person.”

By: Luke Visconti

Luke Visconti — Fri, 08 Feb 2013 22:54:28 +0000

Sometimes conversations need to be shut down—immediately. I’ve worked in a lot of places: warehouses, restaurants, the military, publishing companies, my own company. In every single place, almost everyone wanted to talk about their families. Some people are more private than others, but love is the driving force behind a normal person’s existence. Who you love, your family—this is the grounding of the human psyche. In that light, “tolerance” is a four-letter word. But this person wasn’t even tolerant! How do you dismiss the very essence of who a person is? What destruction is wrecked upon the team spirit of the workplace by people like this? Luke Visconti, CEO, DiversityInc

By: Cat

Cat — Fri, 08 Feb 2013 22:17:47 +0000

Well, Luke, you shut down THAT conversation. I agree with u but calling someone a name cause they dont want to hear personal info from their coworkers doesnt help change anything

By: Luke Visconti

Luke Visconti — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 02:08:41 +0000

We get comments like this from time to time. I would hate to work around a stifling little tyrant who would deny the opportunity for others to simply relate who their families are and who they love. Luke Visconti, CEO, DiversityInc

By: mina

mina — Wed, 06 Feb 2013 23:27:11 +0000

I don’t understand why it is not okay to tell someone, “We are not close enough for you to share that with me” If I didn’t ask you if you are gay or if the discussion didn’t come up, why do you think it is okay to tell me. I think it is personal and you should keep it to yourself. I don’t need to know nor want to know.

By: jr

jr — Wed, 06 Feb 2013 18:03:30 +0000

The other question that bothers me is when people start asking which other co-workers are gay. It is really nobody else’s business.

By: grannybunny

grannybunny — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 20:04:37 +0000

My personal favorite, closely related to # 7: “Which role do you play in your relationships — male or female?”

By: JD

JD — Sat, 05 Jan 2013 09:21:24 +0000

Missing is there’s still an expectation that everyone is either sexually involved or interested in dating. It’s one thing if you’re not sharing because you’re uncomfortable, and another if you’re happy being abstinent. Social websites and smartphones often facilitate over sharing personal information, and coercing a coworker into explaining their sexual orientation or dating status is also highly insensitive and plays on stereotypes. Not to mention, many people at work are lying about their acceptance, and I’ve even seen people misrepresent their sexual orientation to appear more diverse in an organization that superficially values diversity. There’s also difficulty with less common sexual orientation types. If someone volunteers, then I’ll talk to them and support them at all times, but for myself, articulating my sexual orientation at work would be pointlessly annoying. I accept everyone and I don’t need back pats.