“These can be both more common and more hurtful. For example, it’s easy to label someone as horrible (and unprofessional) for asking about your sex life, but the line is blurrier when the question isn’t overt,” says Navetta.

When faced with an off-color comment or an inappropriate question, it’s important to remember that people do not necessarily mean to offend. Doug Case, Business/Marketing Segment manager for Wells Fargo’s Community Bank in San Francisco, suggests it’s best to address the lack of cultural competence. “We expect colleagues to have inclusive language, but we need to hold ourselves accountable to inviting that dialogue.” says Case, who serves as an Executive Sponsor for Wells Fargo’s PRIDE Team Member Network.

Remember—everyone has their own biases and internal barriers they need to work through. “Don’t write people off,” advises Navetta. “Becoming inclusive—especially about something that is new to someone—isn’t an overnight transformation. It is a journey, and we need to be the ones who show them how.”

Things NOT to Say to LGBT Employees

1. “Wow. I never would have guessed that you’re [gay, lesbian, bi, or transgender]!
While this comment might be meant as a compliment—acknowledging that a person does not fall into the traditional, sometimes negative stereotype—it can still cause offense. Don’t believe the sitcoms: “Not all gay guys love Madonna,” says Michael Moran, Interactive Art Director, DiversityInc. And not all lesbians watch sports. Addressing commonplace assumptions like these is a good first step in creating inclusion.

2. “Is one of you the husband and one the wife? I don’t get it.”
Why do relationships have to be about traditional roles? In any marriage or relationship, it’s about partnership and sharing responsibilities. Reframing the conversation this way can help open mindsets about same-gender partnerships and marriage.

3. To a Transgender: “What’s your real name? What did you used to look like?”
Transgender issues are still a very new topic to many people, says Navetta, which creates an organic curiosity among people. “But asking about someone’s ‘past’ life is an absolute no-no. “People should be seen as who they are today, in the affirmed gender in which they live,” she says.

4. “Your lifestyle is your business. We don’t need to talk about it here.”
Referring to sexual orientation and gender identity as a “lifestyle” or “sexual preference” suggests that being LGBT, and ultimately identifying as such, is a choice. Being able to talk about your partner at work, putting family photos in your cubicle, bringing your partner to the office holiday party—these are simple things that allow ALL employees to bring their whole selves to work and fully engage.

5. “It’s too bad you’re gay.”
“Yeah, too bad for you. I get this from flirtatious women after the truth dawns,” says Moran. While it’s meant as a harmless flirtation or joke, this can imply that there is something wrong with being gay. Why else would you call it “bad”?

6. “I have a friend who’s [gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender] that you should meet.”
Just because two people share or have similar sexual orientations does not mean they automatically will be able to blossom a friendship or other relationship. Every person has their own personality, interests and hobbies, but being gay isn’t one of them.

More Things Not to Say

• You’re gay? That’s great. I love gay people.
• Do you watch Glee?
• What should I [wear, do with my hair]?
• Do you know if [insert name] is gay too?
• Does that mean you don’t want kids?
• Wait, you’re not attracted to me … right?

The post ‘Are You the Husband or the Wife?’ 6 Things NOT to Say to LGBTs appeared first on DiversityInc.

A successful petition from Basic Rights Oregon, the nonprofit LGBT equality group, resulted in Fox News’ removing from its website the image of Mrs. Doubtfire.

“Trivializing transgender people’s need for medically necessary healthcare ignores the position of the American Medical Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, and countless other authorities on healthcare. We demand an apology and that Fox News end its transphobic content,” states the petition. LGBT and civil-rights groups that promoted the petition included ForceChange.com, GLAAD and Media Matters.

After just two days, the image in the FoxNews.com article was replaced with featured stock photography of a stethoscope, but Fox News did not issue an apology.

The petition called attention to Fox News’ long history of “misrepresenting gay and transgender people with sensational and dehumanizing coverage.” Equality Matters has a long list of Fox News’ demonstrated “transphobia” incidents and coverage dating back to March 2010. These include host Bill O’Reilly’s mocking the physical image of a transgender inmate, how Fox News “celebrated” the Transgender Day Of Remembrance  (see the video below) and when Fox’s Todd Starnes slammed the pro-transgender Miss USA Pageant Winner.

Additional insight on this issue can be found in DiversityInc’s recent coverage: Fox Anchor In Trouble After Calling Rachel Maddow ‘Angry Young Man.’

The post Does Fox News Hate Transgender People? appeared first on DiversityInc.

Now that Congress has overcome obstructiveness and ended “don’t ask, don’t tell” (DADT), and now that many states voted to recognize same-gender marriage, we need to keep in mind that it’s still perfectly legal in 29 states to fire someone because they’re gay—and you can fire someone over their gender identity in 34 states—according to the American Civil Liberties Union and Human Rights Campaign.

The discriminatory laws and lack of protections in these states tell us that it is not good enough for your particular work area in your particular company to have a “safe workplace.” We need all workplaces to be “safe”—as well as “safe sidewalks,” “safe schoolyards” and “safe neighborhoods.” There must be universal, nationwide protection of civil and human rights for LGBT people in all 50 states.

The good news is that we now have openly gay veterans, with Combat Infantry Badges, Air Medals, Purple Hearts and Silver and Bronze Stars walking proudly and openly in our society. No matter how red the state is, I don’t think it will be tolerable to treat combat veterans with such cruelty as to fire them for their orientation or gender identity. It’s a shame that we have to leverage veterans that way, but my hunch is that they won’t mind. I’ve never met a fellow veteran who didn’t agree with John Adams, who wrote, “Our obligations to our country never cease but with our lives.”

LGBT Rights: How Your Company Can Promote Diversity & Inclusion 

Most of our readers work for large corporations, and this is directed at that group: I implore you to use your influence on your organizations to continue to push the political process in the right direction in all 50 states. If you want a basic, pragmatic argument, tell your corporate leaders that this is about workplace productivity, customer service and higher-quality market share. It’s about building the right relationships with LGBT people—and their heterosexual family members, friends and neighbors who care. Leverage your veteran and LGBT resource groups to send a clear message to top management: It is good business to promote the end of LGBT discrimination. It is in the best interest of shareholders, employees and customers that corporate leaders be proactive in making that reality.

Now is the time—we now have openly gay service people and veterans (they are there now and were always there, but not openly) and we have Ted Olson’s brilliant legal logic against California’s Proposition 8, all of which underscores this reality: LGBT civil and human rights do not impinge on the rights of any other group. They are in the logical progression of our American revolution, which remains alive and well.

Let’s finish this job.

Luke Visconti’s Ask the White Guy column is a top draw on DiversityInc.com. Visconti, the founder and CEO of DiversityInc, is a nationally recognized leader in diversity management. In his popular column, readers who ask Visconti tough questions about race/culture, religion, gender, sexual orientation, disability and age can expect smart, direct and disarmingly frank answers.

The post Ask the White Guy: You’re Gay? You’re Fired! appeared first on DiversityInc.

Company accused of hiring only gay men loses $1-million verdict. Three women filed a discrimination charge against a shipping company, alleging that the company only hired gay men for station-manager jobs. When the gay, male manager of one location left, the assistant, also a gay man, was logically made acting manager. He stated his interest in being appointed as the regular station manager. However, the company refused to even accept his application for the opening. He was told he would not be considered because the company was “in a boiling pot of water” because of the three women’s complaints.

A senior manager told others that the company “needed to clean house” of gay people. Under the Maine Human Rights Act, a jury awarded more than $1 million in damages plus attorney fees for discriminatory denial of the promotional opportunity in Russel v. Express Jet Airlines, Inc. (Maine S.Ct., 2011). The warning in this case is about overreaction. Do not react to one discrimination case by then discriminating in another direction. Adopt validated, sound practices in general. 

For more on hiring best practices, watch our recruitment web seminar, featuring staffing leaders from AT&T and Toyota Motor Sales, and read Diversity Training Goes Way Beyond Compliance. 

Georgia legislature could not fire transgender state employee. The 14th Amendment Equal Protection Clause covers discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and transgender by government employers (unlike Title VII, which does not cover these issues). When the editor of a Georgia General Assembly publication began a transition from male to female, the legislative council manager initiated a discharge. The manager stated that the sex reassignment would be “inappropriate” and “disruptive” and some coworkers would have a “moral issue and feel uncomfortable.” In the resulting case, the court found clear discrimination based on transgender and gender stereotyping. Glenn v. Brumby (11th Cir., 2011).  

For more on LGBT best practices, read Our Analysis of the HRC’s Corporate Equality Index and  Ask DiversityInc: How Can Corporations Support Same-Sex Marriage? 

Discrimination: Age

$17.7 million to older drivers. A jury found that a soda-bottling company engaged in a deliberate plan to rid itself of older truck and forklift drivers by artificially lowering performance evaluations and assigning harder work designed to cause injury or motivate them to resign. Evidence included a “manager claiming he was required to discriminate against older drivers,” comments by a senior manager referring to facilities with older workers as “retirement communities” in need of “new blood,” and the non-responsiveness of human resources to complaints made by the older workers. Seven plaintiffs received the award, including $1 million each for pain and suffering and up to $2 million each in punitive damages in Ward v. Cadbury Schweppes Bottling Group (C.D. Cal., 2011). The awards were under California’s antidiscrimination laws and are not subject to the liability caps of the federal Age Discrimination in Employment Act.

For more on generational communications in the workplace, read Ask DiversityInc: How Can We Start Resource Groups Based on Generations, Disabilities? and watch our  resource groups webinar.

Discrimination: Disability

Injured vet gets job, but not millions. An injured Iraq war veteran won a jury verdict of $4.4 million because of discrimination. The defendant was, of all entities, the Department of the Army. The plaintiff lost his right hand, part of a lung and an eye while defusing a roadside bomb. On return from duty, he had a civilian job at the Detroit Arsenal. His supervisor and some coworkers were derogatory of his disability, calling him “cripple,” “lefty” and other names. When he objected, the supervisor said, “If you don’t like the way you are treated, go find another job.” He left, sued for constructive discharge and won. The award included $4.4 million in “front pay.” An appeals court modified the verdict. It held that reinstatement to a job—a higher-paying job under different supervisors—was the proper remedy, and not front pay. At age 38, it was unfeasible that he needed an entire life’s worth of pay, as if he would never be able to find another source of income, which is what front pay is supposed to compensate. McKelvey v. Army (6th Cir., 2011).

For more  best practices on hiring and developing veteran talent, read Veterans in the Workplace: How to Help Them Succeed and watch our veterans web seminar.

Hotel kitchen worker loses ADA case; would have won ADAAA case. The pre-amendment ADA cases are gradually coming to an end, while cases under the ADA Amendments Act are coming to the fore. This case is an illustration of why the ADA was amended. In Ramos-Echeverra v. Pichis, Inc. (1st Cir., 2011), a hotel kitchen worker’s epilepsy caused up to 16 seizures a week. However, this rarely interfered with work and never caused a serious performance or safety issue. Management, however, denied him full-time hours. He sued under the ADA. The court dismissed, ruling that even with 16 seizures a week, he was not “disabled” because he could still do work and most life activities. The ADAAA was passed specifically because the courts were making restrictive rulings about the definition of disability. It changed the definition of disability. The employee’s history of epilepsy and number of seizures would clearly be a disability now, and the case would proceed.

Court rules for deceased employee: morbid obesity is a disability. The EEOC pursued a disability case on behalf of a person fired from a residential care facility because her morbid obesity allegedly interfered with her work. During the course of the case, the plaintiff died because of complications of obesity. The court allowed the EEOC to continue the case on behalf of the employee’s estate and under the EEOC’s authority to address discrimination regardless of the presence of an individual plaintiff. Then the court ruled that morbid obesity itself can be a disability. Prior decisions have emphasized that there should be some other medical conditions that contribute to the obesity. Thus, those other conditions are the disabilities, and obesity is an effect. Now, this court found no other physiological impairments need be present; the obesity alone is a disability. EEOC v. Resources for Human Development, Inc. (E.D. La., 2011).

Read Obesity Is a Disability, Says EEOC for more on hiring workers with disabilities and EEOC regulations.

Discrimination: Religion

Non-Amish worker can pursue discharge case. In McIntire v. Keystone RV Co. (E.D. Penn., 2011), the court found sufficient evidence to validate an ex-employee’s religious-discrimination case. The plaintiff alleged that he took a job at an Amish-owned company, and then a new manager began a practice of replacing non-Amish workers with Amish. The plaintiff was then replaced. The company tried to argue that being “non-Amish” is not a protected category under Title VII; one must be discriminated against because of one’s religion—not one’s non-religion. The court rejected this argument. Title VII protects a person because of their religion and also protects against discrimination because one does not hold the same beliefs as the employer. Religion should play no role either way in private-sector employment decisions.

For more on religious issues, read Religious Discrimination in the Workplace.

Discrimination: Race

Stick to one story. A Black welder gave two different versions for leaving his employment, in two different cases: personal injury and Title VII discrimination. In the Title VII case, the employee claimed he was constructively discharged; he had to quit because of racial harassment by coworkers and supervisors knew it, and that was the only reason he left. Prior to resigning, the welder had been injured in an off-work car accident. He sued the other driver. In that case, he claimed he had been forced to quit work because of the injury, claiming “I’m in pain all the time.” He claimed the only reason he had to quit work was because of the injury and “my supervisors knew this is why I had to quit.” It appeared he was telling whatever story was most convenient to get the most damages in either case—double-dipping. Evidence of the testimony in the personal-injury case came to light in the Title VII case. The court dismissed the discrimination case based upon dishonesty. Brown v. Oil States Skagit Smatco (5th Cir., 2011).

Watch our mentoring webinar for best practices on retaining and developing Black, Latino, Asian and women talent.

Family and Medical Leave Act

Prenatal appointments qualify for FMLA, and company should have known better than to threaten discharge. Pregnancy itself is defined as a serious medical condition under the FMLA. In Dean v. Wackenhut Corp. (N.D. Ill., 2011), an employee requested FMLA for prenatal-care appointments. She made the request 20 days in advance. The company denied leave, on the basis that the appointment was “merely an initial examination and not medically necessary.” Then the company told her that she would be fired for no call-no show if she did go to the appointment. The employee pleaded for the ability to go to the appointments. In response, she was told that she “should not use pregnancy as a crutch … pregnancy is not an illness.” She sued for interference with FMLA rights. The court granted summary judgment in her favor. The violation was so clear cut that damages could be awarded without need of a trial. The decision called the employer’s actions “misguided and unfounded” and held that by denying leave and “by attempting to scare her into not taking the time off by threatening disciplinary action—indeed, discharge,” Wackenhut deprived her of her rights under the FMLA as a matter of law.

University denies intermittent leave for adoption. FMLA covers leave for birth, adoption or placement of a foster child. A university employee requested intermittent leave to care for a newly adopted child. The university denied the leave. She sued for interference with FMLA rights. The court granted summary judgment, dismissing the case. FMLA leave for serious medical conditions of employees or family members can be taken in short, intermittent periods. The new-child leave provision is different. It allows the employer the discretion to grant intermittent leave or deny it and force the leave to be taken all at one time. The employee had not made any claim about a serious health condition, so the university could validly deny intermittent leave. DeLuca v. Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania (E.D. Penn., 2011).

Read FMLA: What Employers Need to Know for more insights on FMLA regulations.

Bob Gregg, a partner in Boardman & Clark Law Firm, shares his roundup of diversity-related legal issues. He can be reached at rgregg@boardmanclark.com.

The post Workplace Diversity: Is Hiring Only Gay Men Unfair? appeared first on DiversityInc.

Straight men in dresses using urinals. Comments such as “I’m Puerto Rican—I’d be great at selling drugs” and “No, she’s not married. She must be a lesbian.”

What was ABC thinking when it allowed its new comedy “Work It” to air Tuesday night? The show, whose premise is that two unemployed straight men dress as women to get jobs as pharmaceutical sales reps, had dismal ratings. It has been dubbed by gawker.com as the “worst television show in history.” It has been vociferously attacked by LGBT and Latino organizations, as well as every television critic we can find.

What lessons should ABC and other corporations have learned in cultural competence from their employee-resource groups, diversity councils and diverse senior leadership to avoid such missteps?

Ironically, ABC, owned by The Walt Disney Company, one of DiversityInc’s 25 Noteworthy Companies, has long been heralded for the diversity of characters on its shows in terms of race/ethnicity, orientation and disability. Joe Solmonese, president of the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), noted this in a statement from GLAAD demanding this show be cancelled:

“As a network with a record of positive portrayals of LGBT people, ABC should know better than to air this offensive program that even has the potential to jeopardize the safety of transgender people,” he said. ABC has not released a statement on the criticisms of the show.

Lesson No. 1: Vet Your Content With Your ERGs

Multicultural missteps are nothing new, and many companies have faced the wrath of consumers and critics. The best way to avoid them is to use employee-resource groups as focus groups to vet content with people from these underrepresented groups. ABC’s LGBT, Latino and women’s employee-resource groups would have raised red flags right away about this content and could have helped ABC retool the show to make it less offensive—or pushed to scrap it altogether.

The men in this show are portrayed as bumbling, macho stereotypes, and the women are stupid and insipid. The Puerto Rican drug comment (one of the two men is Puerto Rican) has organizations from the National Institute for Latino Policy to the Latino Leadership Institute infuriated. The Human Rights Campaign and GLAAD took out a full-page ad in Daily Variety asking ABC to cancel the show, primarily because of the impact it will have on transgender women, who face enough difficulties being accepted in mainstream America.

An employee-resource group, especially one whose leaders are trusted to meet regularly with senior management, would have pointed out how offensive these stereotypes are and how dangerous they are to the corporate reputation.

Lesson No. 2: Make Sure Your Senior Management Reflects the Population

Latinos are now more than 16 percent of the U.S. population, and that increases each year. LGBT people are estimated at 10 percent, and when you include their allies, that percentage skyrockets. Why alienate two such important consumer bases?

Companies whose senior management is diverse in terms of race/ethnicity, gender, orientation and disability have a different type of sensibility at the top. There is someone to say, “Whoa! Let’s put on the brakes. Have you considered the ramifications to MY community?”

Our research and DiversityInc Top 50 data shows that formal, cross-cultural mentoring is the most demonstrable way to bring diversity to the upper ranks. Other methods of including diversity in formal succession planning include requiring diverse slates and cultural-competency training for candidates.

Lesson No. 3:  Diversity Councils and CEOs Set Clearly-Stated Values and Hold People Accountable

A senior executive diversity council, led by the CEO, will hold executives accountable, primarily through compensation, for diversity results. They also will hold executives accountable for diversity missteps and for the marketplace consequences of those. They state their values clearly and consistently and never waver from them.

As this Ask the White Guy column by Luke Visconti demonstrates, clarity of values is critical from the start. When something goes wrong, as it did in the Tennessee chamber of commerce supporting an anti-LGBT law, several companies involved communicated immediately and clearly that they objected to this proposal and were disassociating themselves from the chamber activities.

Having a culture of inclusion in the workplace is important. But if that real belief in inclusion isn’t clearly communicated and demonstrated by external actions, it will fail to resonate with your constituents—employees, customers, shareholders and suppliers.  

Here’s a roundup of what’s been said about this show:

The National Institute for Latino Policy released a statement Jan. 4 on the imagery of Puerto Ricans in “Work It.” The NYC Latino Politics and Latino Leadership Institute both are calling Latinos to action: Julio Pabon, the blog’s author, picketed ABC’s offices with other Latinos.

GLAAD and HRC Tell ABC That ‘Work It’ Will Harm Transgender People
GLAAD and HRC ran a full-page ad in Daily Variety in December protesting the show prior to its premiere for its representation of cross-dressing and its misrepresentation of transgender people.

ABC’s Work It Unnecessarily Injurious to Transgender Americans
HRC President Joe Solmonese and GLAAD Acting President Mike Thompson published a post expressing that ABC should not air the “comedy.”

“Work It” Drawing Criticism from LGBT Organizations
National Center for Lesbian Rights provides a summary of the “Work It” pre-launch controversy and links to more information about the cause.

ABC’s “Work It” should be Fired Immediately
National Women’s Law Center comments on the legal inaccuracies of “Work It” and its offensiveness to several groups, including transgender people, women and Latinos.

LGBT Groups Condemn ABC Show Work It; Say Work It Doesn’t Work!
Transgender Law Center protested “Work It” before its premiere, noting the show “validates outdated gender-norms and expectations.”

Click here to watch a video clip of the show.

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The White Guy responds to one reader’s comment on the recent presidential appointment of Amanda Simpson, who is transgender. See why he says diversity training is a must for your business to succeed.

Comment:
What!!!! Why do we need to know about a person’s sexual orientation! If that person is qualified for the position then so be it done!!! I don’t care that this person has had his penis removed or if a woman has received the penis that he had and he received the vagina that she had and took hormones to perpetuate as a gender that he or she was NOT BORN with–! I know wrong sentence structure!

Answer:
I’ve covered this before, but it’s worth going over once again only to serve as a warning.

Diversity management requires constant vigilance because we are all predisposed to discriminate. This person works for a philanthropy whose web site eloquently describes its mission as serving people in need regardless of age or economic situation! Even here you will find biased and creepy people expressing their ignorant and hateful “opinions,” creating the toxic environment that most people outside the majority are burdened with.

The fact that being transgender isn’t about orientation is clearly lost on this person. She’s just full of bile and hate over a story about an intrepid and successful fellow traveler on this planet. That we don’t have to diminish everything that isn’t like “us” or that we don’t understand is lost on her. This is why you MUST have MANDATORY diversity training—and when this kind of nonsense rears its ugly head, you must deal with it immediately. There is no such thing as parsing civil or human rights; discrimination of one group will place the chain of oppression on other groups. And as Yvonne Johnson, chair of the Bennett College board of trustees and retired mayor of Greensboro, N.C., once said to me, the chain of oppression is connected to both the oppressed and the oppressor.

Oh, you think your religion preaches that people are born one way or another? Don’t go there—your religion is protected by the first amendment to the Constitution, and we the people are protected from your religion by the same amendment. Further, in a work environment, you don’t get to choose. It is the imprimatur of the employer to set the ethic and moral values.

Let’s get back to this reader’s multifaceted hate rant. A person’s sexuality (orientation and/or sexual expression) is central to who they are. It would be a sterile, inhumane environment where you could NOT talk about your orientation. Heterosexual, non-transgender people display their orientation in any number of ways—discussing what they did with their families over the weekend, photos of their loved ones on their workstations, who they show up with at social events.

It is a human feeling to think that someone getting something is going to cost you something. The liberation of all people to be who they are—with all the orientation or sexual expression that the human condition gives us—does not diminish being heterosexual. I’d say it validates it by allowing all of us to be who we are while we respect who other people are.

This couldn’t be more central to running a business. Regardless of what your organization does—business to consumer/business/government—you’re dealing with people. The ONLY thing that transcends commodity is value. You can’t build value independent of human relationships. When you can engender trust, you can build value. Increasing clarity on values increased an organization’s decision-making abilities. It becomes more clear where you’re going to draw the line and what business you’ll turn down. Concurrence and clarity of values helps pick successful business partners. I’ll never forget the moment of understanding that the late Dave Sampson brought to me when he told me how Marriott won three different $1-billion contracts by expressing his company’s values on supplier diversity to city governments when bidding for convention-center projects.

This works on a personal basis also. George Chavel told me about refusing to respond to an RFP after a racist incident with a prospect when he was in a vice-president position. Is there a connection between this clarity of values and his rise from a modest (but value-filled) home to being the CEO of Sodexo, a company with more than 100,000 employees serving food to millions? The connection is absolutely clear in my mind.

So, if you have a person on your team who expresses his or her hateful little opinions, you have a problem. Maybe training will help; people evolve (Abraham Lincoln thought that emancipated enslaved people should be sent back to Africa early in his presidency—Frederick Douglass gave him some “training.”) However, sometimes you need to put someone out of your organization. This isn’t about opinion; it’s about setting the moral values of how you conduct yourself and your business with others.

The post White Guy Responds to Transgender Appointment Hate Mail appeared first on DiversityInc.

Question:

I recently was in a situation at work where a coworker made transphobic statements about a customer (out of earshot, thank God). He said things like, “That person isn’t really a woman,” and went on to mention how proud he was of himself for being able to “tell.” What are the best ways to react to such comments? I’m a queer white woman who’s out, and I wanted to engage my coworker in conversation as a peer so that our work relationship can continue to be positive, and so that we can have the kind of dialogue that eventually leads to greater understanding. At the same time, I also wanted to make it clear that what he said was unacceptable and that I won’t stand for it.

Answer:

Responding to offensive language requires discretion, tact and bravery.

Although your e-mail is very kindly worded, most people do not have the communication skills to offer successful criticism. That’s OK: Direct criticism is not always necessary. If you feel the person is purposely being offensive–especially in the workplace–good companies, like those in the DiversityInc Top 50, have procedural remedies to a hostile environment.

However, if you feel the person is simply ignorant of the pain his or her comments are creating, and you wish to intercede, then I think you need to plan what you’re going to say carefully, especially if you wish to change the person’s understanding of what’s acceptable and not just stop the (overt) offensive behavior. I suggest you offer a critique without an audience and in person if possible. Pick a semi-public place for your own safety.

Most people aren’t bigots, sexists or homophobes–and if handled with generosity, will respond to kindly offered dialogue. A fellow Navy pilot who took the time to explain his experience as an African American as he helped me be our office’s “minority officer recruiter” changed the trajectory of my life in the 1980s.

This doesn’t mean that you’re always going to have a “kumbaya” moment. My experience with the responses to this publication is that many people stubbornly hold onto their discriminatory views and take criticism as a personal attack, even when it’s counterproductive. Take your incident, for example. Only a creep would make a comment like that–especially considering he was in a work environment with an out lesbian in his company.

If the person is in a superior position to you and you’re afraid of retribution, be careful. Again, this doesn’t mean that you have to accept intolerant, bigoted, sexist or homophobic language in your workplace–if your company does, then you need to move immediately if you can (check out our career center).

Although I don’t recommend this in most cases, I’ve seen how people can have some fun with this kind of thing–we’ve received several “outraged” e-mails from bigots who were probably signed up for our e-mail newsletter by coworkers.

One last point: Be careful of extremists. There are people who hold intense opinions (from every perspective) and use their “views” as a way to be certain in an uncertain world. I get hate mail from many extremes. With the exception of confronting people who are threatening violence, I leave them alone. I believe in the old adage: “Never try to teach a pig to sing–it’s a waste of time and annoys the pig.”

That’s not to say that you can’t turn the pig into pork chops. I heard a great story from a CEO. During his time as a regional vice president, his customer counterpart made an overt racist action against one of his team’s members in a sales meeting. The future CEO took action by refusing to do business with this company (despite short-lived internal pressure to the contrary). The word spread about the racist incident, the racist was fired and the companies went on to do business together.

The post Ask the White Guy: How Do You Respond to Offensive Language at the Office? appeared first on DiversityInc.