Jae Requiro remembers her friend’s story vividly: Following a meeting in which her friend was the only Asian-American woman, a male colleague said to her, “You’re not at all like my Asian wife, you speak up.”

“It was a big slap in her face. She didn’t even know what to say to him,” says Requiro, who is Filipino-American and a manager of diversity consulting and inclusion strategies at Toyota Motor North America, No. 41 on The 2012 DiversityInc Top 50 Companies for Diversity list.

Stereotypes are like a slap to the face because they shock and sting. They are usually uttered without much forethought and reveal the speaker’s ignorance. And in corporate settings, they can reveal why someone is excluded from after-work networking events or passed over for promotion. Asian-American executives too often find themselves fighting to disprove the “model minority” stereotype, a group that works hard, is rarely controversial, but ultimately is not “American” enough for leadership opportunities.

Here are seven questions and comments Asian-American executives have frequently fielded from coworkers and why you should not repeat them:

“You must be the IT person.”

Linda Akutagawa, who is Japanese-American and CEO and president for Leadership Education for Asian Pacifics (LEAP), says that too often it is assumed that Asian-American executives are not leaders but support staff. For Asian-American executives who recently immigrated to the United States, the problem is two-fold. Not only are they stereotyped as not leadership material, but their cultural norms are interpreted by U.S.-born executives as proving the stereotype.

“In America, the leadership skill is defined by how confrontational, direct and aggressive you are,” says Sameer Samudra, IT Audit Director for Asia Pacific, Europe, Middle East and Africa at Cummins (No. 18).

Samudra, who was born in India and came to the United States as a student in 1998, remembers a boss questioning his commitment to work because he was reserved during meetings. “We respect authority and come from a hierarchical culture,” says Samudra. “Our leadership style considers how well the team members get along, so there’s an emphasis on team building and learning in the process.”

“You aren’t like them” or “You don’t act very Asian.”

There are many variations to this comment. Akutegawa has an Asian-American friend who for a significant amount of time had organized a regular tennis outing with a group of white executives. One day, one of the executives turned to her friend and said, “I didn’t know people like you play tennis.” Akutegawa remembers her friend saying, ”He was shocked.”

“Asian Americans are not risk takers.”

“My response to that comment is ‘Why do you think we all gave up our old country and came to this country?’ We walked away from our families and a comfortable life and came to this country. That’s a huge risk,” says S.K. Gupta, an aerospace and defense executive and Volunteer Consultant for Essen Associates.

“Where are you from? No, where are you really from?” or “When are you going to go home?” or “How often do you go home?”

These questions assume that all Asian-Americans are recent immigrants. “We call that the double-sum question,” says Akutegawa, who points out that especially among Chinese- and Japanese-Americans, there are families who have lived in the United States for at least six generations. “They ask you the first time and you say ‘California,’ but that’s not what they’re looking for. When you’re asked the second question, it’s truly frustrating.”

“I was born in the [San Francisco] Bay Area. I can drive home in a few hours,” is how Requiro answers questions implying she is a foreigner.

“Oh, you speak English good!” or “Do you speak your language?”

“Don’t tell me I speak English good,” says Requiro. “I should because I was born here and it’s my first language.” And often, parents who are immigrants do not teach their children their native tongue in order to ensure their children assimilate into American culture. Requiro’s parents did not teach her Tagalog, the Philippines’ native language. “I’m Filipino-American, of course I speak English,” says Requiro.

“The implication is that we’re all foreigners and saying ‘good’ reveals their own ignorance of English,” says Akutegawa.

Also, inherent in being surprised that an Asian-American speaks English well is the assumption that an Asian-American who speaks with an accent has difficulty communicating. Gupta’s boss, early in his career, gave him a low score on a performance review because he said Gupta was difficult to understand when he got excited. Gupta took the criticism in stride. He enrolled in an accent-reduction class, but after a few classes, the teacher kicked him out. The teacher said he didn’t have a problem communicating or being understood. His boss couldn’t hear the words coming out of Gupta’s mouth because he only heard his accent.

Now Gupta says, “I use my accent as an ice breaker. I make speeches and presentations all the time and I often start by saying, ‘If some of you detect an accent, please remember that I didn’t have one until I came to this country.’”

“You’re not a minority because all Asians are rich and successful.”

This comment reveals the damage stereotypes cause. Gupta remembers a time 20 years ago when he was told that Asian-American executives should be last to receive a raise because they don’t need money.

Asian-Americans currently occupy just 2.1 percent of corporate board seats among Fortune 500 companies, up from 1.2 percent in 2005. 

“You’re not Asian, you’re from India.”

For the record, “Asian-American” is a general term for Asians and Pacific Islanders (AAPI) living in the United States. According to U.S. Race and Ethnic Standards for Federal Statistics and Administrative Reporting, Asian-Americans and Pacific Islanders refer to people who can trace their original background to the Far East, Southeast Asia, the Indian subcontinent, or the Pacific Islands, including native Hawaiians.

Gupta adds that the Asian-American community needs to come together under its common cultural traits. “We Asian-Americans need to figure out how to substitute the individual configurations for the overall Asian-American culture,” says Gupta.

Why? Because many believe that Asian-Americans are too disparate as a group for marketing efforts.

“At IBM, I attended an Asian industry conference about two years ago. A senior leader said it’s too hard to do anything with Asian-Americans because they’re not one homogenous culture,” Gupta recalls hearing. “My response was that our culture may not be one but our values are the same, so let’s focus on the community’s values rather than the different cultures.”

The post 7 Things NEVER to Say to Asian-American Executives appeared first on DiversityInc.

Q. I read your story about Secretary Clinton pushing for global LGBT rights [www.DiversityInc.com/secretary-clinton]. In your story, you stated: “In the United States, several corporations on The DiversityInc Top 50 Companies for Diversity list have led the way in establishing domestic-partner benefits and advocating for same-sex marriage and the end of the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy.” My question is: How can corporations actually support same-sex marriage?

A. Corporate advocacy of civil rights has a long history in the United States. As recently as 2003, more than 20 corporations filed briefs supporting the use of affirmative action as a factor in college admissions in the Grutter v. Bollinger University of Michigan case before the Supreme Court.

In the civil-rights battle for marriage equality for lesbian and gay couples, several companies have taken activist roles. Most notably:

*Eli Lilly and Company, Cummins and WellPoint, Nos. 29, 18 and 34, respectively, on The 2012 DiversityInc Top 50 Companies for Diversity list, have actively battled the Defense of Marriage Act in Indiana, where all three are headquartered. In a 2007 letter opposing the legislation, Eli Lilly’s senior vice president of human resources, Dr. Tony Murphy, wrote: “Given the great lengths Lilly takes to attract and retain top talent from around the world, we oppose any legislation that might impair our ability to offer competitive employee benefits or negatively impact our recruitment and retention. Beyond this, we are concerned that the proposed legislation sends an unwelcoming signal to current and future employees by making Indiana appear intolerant. As a result, we believe this amendment works against Indiana’s stated desire to broaden its appeal to attract new businesses to the state.” Read our coverage on DOMA in Ruling Against Defense of Marriage Act Is Major Diversity Victory.

*Several California-based companies publicly worked against Proposition 8, the amendment that was approved in November 2008 to eliminate the right of same-sex couples to marry in that state. Proposition 8 recently was overturned and is being appealed in the U.S. Supreme Court. Among the companies opposing it were PG&E, No. 1 on The 2012 DiversityInc Top 5 Regional Utilities list, and Levi Strauss. Read our coverage on Proposition 8 in Gay-Marriage Ban Struck Down: Why Your Company Should Care.

Nancy McFadden, PG&E senior vice president of public affairs, made this statement in July 2008 about Proposition 8, according to the Human Rights Campaign: “We are proud to join NO on 8 and Equality California to protect the freedom to marry for all Californians. For years, PG&E has advocated for equality and fairness in the workplace, and across California. In that same spirit, PG&E is honored to be a founding member of the Equality Business Advisory Council and urge our business colleagues to join us as we work to guarantee the same rights and freedoms for every Californian.”

And just this year, several New York–based companies publicly supported the decision to allow same-sex marriage in that state. These companies included McGraw-Hill and Xerox, as well as former Time Warner CEO Dick Parsons, according to the Empire State Pride Agenda.

Progressive companies stand up publicly for their values, even when there’s risk of negative repercussions. 

The post How Can Corporations Support Same-Sex Marriage? appeared first on DiversityInc.

Recently, Texas lawmaker Betty Brown suggested during a voter-identification hearing that it might be wise for Chinese Americans to “Americanize” their names for the sake of people who don’t speak Chinese. Brown’s comment, which landed her in the

Click here to read “The DiversityInc Top 10 Companies for Asian Americans List.”

“Can’t you ‘Americanize’ your name?”

Not only did Brown suggest to an Asian American that “your citizens” change their names, she said it would be unfair for “us” to have to learn Chinese to better understand surnames. Michael Yaki, a political consultant and attorney in San Francisco, wrote on SFGate.com that Brown’s comments were not only inappropriate, they were factually incorrect.

“Last I checked, one of the most common Chinese surnames was still Wong. And Chin. And Lee. One syllable. I guess I’m a bit confused as to how these names are ‘difficult’ for voter officials in Texas to figure out,” Yaki writes. “I’m not sure what century Rep. Brown is from, but the fact that she said ‘your citizens’–as if somehow the quality of being an American is distinguished by national origin, accent or skin color–is pretty scary.”

“If war broke out between your native country and America, which side would you support?”

The late Iris Chang wrote several books on the Asian-American experience, including “The Chinese in America,” an honest chronicle of how Chinese people have been treated as outsiders in this country. Chang was fueled to write her bestselling book because a junior high-school classmate asked this very question: “Her question, innocently put, captures the crux of the problem facing the ethnic Chinese in America. Even though many are U.S. citizens whose families have been here for generations, while others are more recent immigrants who have devoted the best years of their lives to this country with citizenship as their goal, none can truly get past the distinction of race or entirely shake the perception of being seen as foreigners in their own land.”

Dr. Jane Junn, associate professor of political science at Rutgers University, who is Chinese American, says her students have asked her the same question.

“They’re interested in everything,” Junn says. “And they may not be asking with malicious intent. But they ask nonetheless. For Asian Americans who are not first generation, this can be extremely insulting.”

“You must be the IT person” or “You must be so good at math.”

Linda Akutagawa, who is Japanese American and president and CEO of the nonprofit Leadership Education for Asian Pacifics (LEAP), says that too often it is assumed that Asian-American executives are best as tech- or admin-support staff.

“Implicit in that statement is that you’re good at numbers and technology, so you’re good behind the scenes,” explains Allan Mark, who is Chinese American and the Americas director of diversity strategy and development, for Ernst & Young (No. 5).

Truth is, “not all Asian Americans are strong with numbers,” Junn says, though the stereotypical comment is almost “inevitably asked.”

“You’re not exactly leadership material.”

For Asian-American executives who recently immigrated to the United States, the stereotype is two-fold: Not only are they viewed as not being leaders but their cultural norms are interpreted by U.S.-born executives as passive.

“In America, the leadership skill is defined by how confrontational, direct and aggressive you are,” says Sameer Samudra, Six Sigma black belt at Cummins (No. 18).

Samudra, who was born in India and came to the United States as a student in 1998, remembers a boss once questioning his commitment to work because he was reserved during meetings.

“We respect authority and come from a hierarchical culture,” Samudra says. “Our leadership style considers how well the team members get along, so there’s an emphasis on team building and learning in the process.”

The post Things NEVER to Say to Asian Coworkers appeared first on DiversityInc.