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Things 'to' Say to Black Coworkers
By Daryl C. Hannah
July 18, 2008
Keywords: Blacks, discrimination, ethnic diversity, things never to say to a Black coworker, workplace, hair, diverse, DiversityInc, soft racism, offensiveness
If you've read 10 Things NEVER to Say to a Black Coworker, you know that complimenting a Black coworker for being "articulate" is a no-no. But does that mean you keep it to yourself when you think he nailed his presentation? Not if you express yourself with some sensitivity and tact.
Knowing what to say to a coworker of a different race can be tricky, but "it's all about common sense," advises Redia Anderson Banks, the former chief diversity officer with Deloitte & Touche, No. 16 on The DiversityInc 2008 Top 50 Companies for Diversity® list. "As with speaking to anyone, in our western culture we tend to say what we mean or what we think. We have to learn to do it with tact."
Anderson, who now runs her own consulting firm, also says most offensive comments and questions are not malicious, but certainly can be avoided by not making assumptions and by asking culturally-sensitive questions.
"It's important to ask [questions] from a place of trying to understand and be genuine in your desire to learn. Chances are the other person will see that and the other person will be glad to share their thoughts," says Anderson.
In DiversityInc's Things Never to Say series, we've given plenty of examples of insensitive comments to avoid. Now, we are turning the tables and offering advice on some things to be mindful of when talking to coworkers from traditionally underrepresented groups. Here are four better ways to compliment, communicate with or ask questions to a Black coworker without offense.
"You presented your project very well."
Complimenting someone on a specific task as opposed to their speech, intelligence or "difference," removes the condescending stigma attached to remarks such as "you're so articulate" or "you're so smart."
Berlinda Fontenot-Jamerson, the former chief diversity officer with Disney-ABC Television Group, suggests that being specific in your compliment can help you avoid "the stereotypes that say [Blacks] don't know the king's language, have no desire to learn [and] we'd rather use Ebonics and slang."
"When someone says 'you're so articulate,' they are saying they didn't expect you to be, if you think about the definition of the word articulate. Instead, simply say 'I enjoy our conversations, I always know what you mean,'" says Carolynn Johnson, vice president of business development for DiversityInc.
"I like your hairstyle."
Different cultures are sensitive about different things. Black women are particularly sensitive about their hair, warns Fontenot-Jamerson.
Asking whether a person's hair is real or fake is certainly not an appropriate question, even if your curiosity stems from admiration. "If you would like to know whether a person's hair is real or fake to compliment it, simply compliment it," says Fontenot-Jamerson. "It's as simple as saying 'I like your hair.'"
"Simply saying 'that style looks really great,'" is a good option, says Johnson, who also advises that you should be specific when offering compliments.
As far as how that coworker's hair is done or whether or not it's real: unless he or she volunteers the information, it's none of your business.
"I see you as an individual."
Saying to someone "I don't consider you Black" or "you don't act Black" is usually not intended to be malicious or come across as insensitive--but it does, warns Fontenot-Jamerson. In fact, what the person is really trying to say is, "I see you as an individual."
"[It's] all about establishing a rapport," says Fontenot-Jamerson. "Ninety-five percent of the time, people are not intending to be malicious--it's an ignorance of not knowing what to say."
"Where did you go to school?" or "That's great, what did you think of their program?"
Sometimes it's more a matter of changing your tone than your words. It's fine to ask a coworker about his or her educational background, as long as you accept the answer without shock or judgment. Instead of asking "you graduated from where?" which implies surprise that a Black coworker went to a certain school, Hilary Shelton, executive director of the Washington bureau of the NAACP says you should simply ask, 'Where did you go to school?' "The problem isn't the question, it's the value associated to the question and the expressing shock after finding out that an African-American coworker went to an Ivy League school," he says.
"Degrees don't make people," adds Johnson. "Character does."
Readers' Comments
Posted: Thursday, Jul 31, 2008
Things 'to' Say to Black Coworkers
Do you know what? I am beginning to think I blurt out stupid things to people no matter who they are or what sex or race, and then wish I could just suck the words back into my mouth like soda through a straw. I said a really dumb thing to a black co-worker, quoting something a black friend of my daughter's had said, jokingly, about her choice of name for her new son. I later thought of this site, which I recently found, and realized what I said was most likely inappropriate and stupid for me to have repeated to her, as I am Caucasian. I blush now as I think about it. I just pray she forgives me and forgets it real soon. As I stated earlier, however, I have a tendency to open up and blurt foolish statements before thinking in lots of situations - to my boss, to my friend who is hurting, to my spouse. Sometimes it has nothing to do with anything except that we are all are human and do and say very stupid things. Thanks for listening.
Pamela G
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Posted: Thursday, Jul 31, 2008
Things 'to' Say to Black Coworkers
The obvious inference from statements like "Articulate", and "You Don't Act Black" is the persons surprise that the stereotype that they hold of what Black People are probably comes from not knowing any, only knowing one, or getting their views from T.V. The beauty of statements like those is, they you immediately know who you are dealing with. Unfortunately some people will always see race first, and the person second, and therefore will continue to say stupid things in an effort to overcompensate for how uncomfortable they really are.
Harold Mansfield
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Posted: Monday, Jul 28, 2008
Things 'to' Say to Black Coworkers
Sometimes being "articulate" has nothing to do with proper language usage. Sometimes it just means that an idea was expressed clearly in a way that was meaningful and easily understood by the audience. My experience has shown me that being able to speak articulately - in this sense of the word - is NOT something that comes easily to everyone, all ethnic backgrounds. As an African American myself, I think we sometimes have a chip on our shoulder needlessly when others are trying to sincerely compliment us. Do we get this upset when another person of color says that we speak articulately? Just a thought...
Janice Bradley
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Posted: Friday, Jul 25, 2008
Things 'to' Say to Black Coworkers
I agree with Lisa D. I am impressed by anyone that succintly and clearly expresses a concept or idea. Regardless of age, race or gender if someone is articulate, then quite simply they are articulate. Anyone that can speak articulatly has had to work to develop that skill, race nor any other attribute provide an inherit advantage. People take courses all the time to work on and hone this skill. And in today's society in which it seems that speaking well is no longer a requirement, we should celebrate it more.
C G
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Posted: Tuesday, Jul 22, 2008
Things 'to' Say to Black Coworkers
While I understand and appreciate the sensitivity noted in previous comments, I do tell white people when they make an articulate presentation or clear expression of ideas. I am a communication professional, so I may feel differently than others do about this issue. In my view, most celebrities, political leaders and even media figures, who are paid to express themselves, do so poorly. Our popular culture overall is somewhat inarticulate. This seems equally true across race, gender, ethnic, class and age lines. Finding a person who cares enough to think first and then speak well seems to be the exception, and I'm always glad to know that person. When appropriate I do give positive feedback, since I know it takes work to make good self-expression sound effortless. I have heard whites compliment each other on being articulate (mostly in work or academic settings); it is possible they don't use it much in front of blacks since they are uncertain whether it might cause offense. There is a history behind the discomfort with this particular word and the thinking behind it. Acknowledging that, I hope we are moving to a time when people who appreciate sincere, clear communication between individuals will collaborate with, not offend, each other.
Lisa D
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