With the number of bizarre and offensive "compliments" DiversityInc readers continue to share, it's clear there are plenty of people out there who still don't get it--and those who don't get it cross racial and ethnic lines.

(If you are at all unsure whether you "get it" or not, check out DiversityInc's Things Not to Say series before you "compliment" a coworker.)

From the latest batch, it appears that many of these so-called compliments fall into distinct categories. "You're so articulate" continues to be the most popular, along with the close variation of "You're so smart." Another big category is the "You don't look like, sound like, act like" compliment. While many of these offensive compliments are similar in nature, there are also some jaw-dropping comments that defy categorization. Check out the "praise" our readers have had to contend with--and click here to tell us about the compliments that have offended you most.

Here are our readers' unedited reports of "compliments" they have received:

YOU'RE SO ARTICULATE

The two off-handed compliments that I received, which left me utterly dumbfounded/stupefied, were as follows:
1.  You sure are articulate for a Black person.
2.  You hair is really long and pretty.  Is it yours?  I didn't know Black people could grow hair. 
--Adrienne Sims

For a Puerto Rican you are pretty articulate. Your English is so good.
--Cynthia Alvarez

The compliment that offends me the most and that I hear quite frequently is, "You are so well-spoken."  I always wonder how else a woman with the benefit of as much education as I have received should sound. 
--Jannibah Coleman

When I come face to face with people after phone conversations, (over 30  years and still going on), the offensive comment is: " I did not know you were black. You are so articulate!"
--Dolores Fridge

"You speak such good English, is that because you lived in the UK before you moved to the US?" The fact is I am African (who lived in the UK for a couple of years) and we do speak English as our first language in Nigeria. Hello, my English has always been good.
--O OTaiwo

YOU'RE SO SMART

My message if for my daughter's "compliments". My daughter is Korean and has lived in the U.S. since she's 5 months old.  Invariably people listen to her speaking excellent English, and blurt out, "Oh, you speak English!"  The other double "compliment" she receives because we are also Jewish, is, "Jewish AND Asian, no wonder you are smart!"
--Linda Amendt

'You are really a smart black woman.'
--Pamela Harris

I have three which stand out among so many others I received during the 23 years of my Corporate American experience in the Pharmaceutical, Biotechnology, Medical Devices and Managed Care industries.

1. "Wow"! "How did you ever become so smart?"

2. "Where are you from?" "You don't sound like you grew up in NYC!"
This one was not taken as a compliment but I thought it worthwhile to include because I deem it the most offensive comment I have ever had made to me.

3. "Hey, when we've spoken on the phone, I thought you were white." And this was from a Black colleague during a committee meeting on Managing and Valuing Diversity, where she and I were meeting face to face for the first time. This was a real shocker to me.
--Pat Chandler

My Social Psychology class was given an assignment that only 2 people in the class understood and did right--a young (21 give or take a year or two) white male from the University of Virginia who was taking the course at ODU during the Summer session to transfer the credit back to UVA and me, at the time, a 29 year old overweight African-American woman. After class, several classmates came over to me amazed that I had understood the assignment (and they had not.) They complimented me on my intelligence/academic ability.  Not one person approached Mr. UVA or seemed surprised that he got it right.   
--Evelyn Jones

YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE, SOUND LIKE, SEEM LIKE, ACT LIKE ...

On revealing that I am a person with a disability I was told "wow, you don't even look like there's anything wrong with you"
--Janet Fiore

"You have green eyes and light skin...so are you ALL Black?"
"I'm going to Florida on vacation.  Hopefully when I come back, I'll be as dark as you."
"You don't look like MOST Black people."
--Tracy Denmark

"I never would have guessed that you're deaf!  You don't act like it!"
As an RN who has become progressively more dependent on lip-reading, I had a Cochlear Implant a year ago.  Co-workers knew of my surgery, and this was the usual "compliment" I had to learn to deal with.  Then one day when I had to take my contacts out, the Helen Keller jokes started.  I thank God for a sense of humor!
--Sue Ringgold

I am German, Irish and Mexican. I am the youngest of five children. We all have different skin tones. The most offensive "compliment" I get is, "You don't look like a Manuel," or (when looking at family photos) "That doesn't look like your family."
--Manuel Gatica

I'm Chinese-American and people of Chinese ancestry have never had problems with recognizing me as Chinese. However, for whatever reason, a lot of non-Asians seem to think I have features that do not fit with their preconceived notions of how an Asian person should look like. I get "compliments" from strangers such as "your nose looks white!" or "Are both your parents Chinese? You don't look like it! Your chin looks white!"

I've also heard things along the lines of "You're tall for an Asian. Usually Asians are tiny people."  (Um...ever heard of Yao Ming?)

This last one takes the cake.  I had a person say to me "You look white except for your eyes. Your eyes look Asian." My response was, "maybe it's because I AM Asian".

I find it very irritating how people who have never seen more than maybe 2 Asian people in their entire life feel they know what physical features an Asian woman should have.  There are a lot of Chinese people in the world and we don't all look the same.  We don't all have the same nose, eyes, skin tone, or height.  I find it offensive when people think calling my features "white" is a "compliment".  I don't look "white".  I look like my family.  And I don't consider my facial features to be those of "whites" since I am not the only Asian woman in the world with these features. There are plenty of women in Asia with features that are more "white" than mine. 
--c w k.haru

YOU'RE SO PRETTY FOR A … or YOU'RE TOO PRETTY TO BE A …

I have been told by many people "You are too pretty to be a lesbian." While it seems nice on the outside, are they implying that all lesbians are ugly?
--Stephanie Trevino

Your skin is so soft.  I thought black skin (and I'm Latina!) was dry and ashy...wow, that must be great for you!
--Ingrid Tolentino

I am a light-skinned African American woman.  Sometimes co-workers will say...you are a beautiful woman...are you of mixed race. Is your father or mother white?   The intent is to compliment me however, the impact is just the opposite since I'm not mixed race.  
--Tawanna Mullins

This "compliment" offends me to the fullest.  When an African American (which I am one) says to another AA,...to be so dark, she SURE is pretty!  Huh???  So since she is dark she is NOT pretty? I don't get that and it is HIGHLY offensive!  I am a lighter skinned AA woman, but this STILL offends me.
--Destiny Sorenson

YOU'RE NOT LIKE THE OTHERS … I THOUGHT YOU'D BE DIFFERENT

I am Puerto Rican and was once told by a co-worker, "you are not like the all the rest of them". I told him, "you have the advantage over me sir, I have not had the occasion to meet the All the Rest".
--Hector Silva

I think the most offensive compliment I ever heard was, "For a gay guy, you sure do a lot of work." At the time, my job consisted mostly of heavy lifting. Were they trying to imply that as a gay man, I shouldn't be able to lift so much? Or did they mean that I should've been sitting around gossiping? They never could explain what they meant.
--Ray Matyjasik

I am gay, open and out in the workplace.... a coworker actually said "I thought you'd be different, but your normal.... like us."
--Dorthea Kellum

THE ONES THAT DEFY CATEGORIZATION

The most offensive compliment I received was during an internship in Springfield, Illinois.  A fellow intern told me that I should be really thankful for Lincoln because if it wasn't for him "my internship would be in a field!"
--Ashanti Files

When I started a new job a few years back, our department was going out for lunch.  Although we had decided that we were going out to a Chinese restaurant, no one knew which one to go to.  My boss offered me up and said to the group "Fred should know where we could go...(looks over at me) where would be the best place to go eat?"

Did I forget to mention, I'M FILIPINO!!!
--Fred Padeway

I received a compliment once from a gentleman after sharing with him I was hired by an organization that was making diversity a level one priority as it relates to their business and outreach. He looked at me and said, "you are just the right size to serve in that position." I asked him to interpret what that meant exactly. His response was, "because you are not 6'4" and weighing 240 lbs (I'm 5'6" and 160 lbs), your presence (a bald (shaved) black man) will not cause the individuals in the organization to perceive you as being the "angry black man" now serving in the role of diversity. It flattered me at first to think that my stature could possibly be a factor in helping my predominately Caucasian co-workers to feel at ease with me in the office. But as I shared this with colleagues in several settings, I began to realize how this fits into the stereotype of blacks having to make others to be more comfortable with their presence by fitting into the perceived ideal standard of what a safe, non-threatening person looks like. This can be seen in the tests used to measure an individual's biases toward someone of a different race.
--Keith Bell

"Yes, I know you're gay, but I really like you anyway."  This is when I just walk away.  Don't people realize how stupid this comment is?
--Sharron Emmons

One comment I will never forget, is the time a woman of African heritage said: "Because whites don't usually connect themselves to an ethnic group they have no concept of others who want to celebrate and embrace their heritage or ethnic background. Thanks for allowing me to share!" As a proud descendant of Irish and French immigrants, I was flabbergasted this woman had no idea that White people are just as connected to their heritages as any other group of people. The bigger affront, though, was her complimentary "Thanks for allowing me to share!" comment, as she assumed I would simply accept her thanks, and not be offended by her ignorance of my heritage and the extent of my connection to it.
--J Harry

The most offensive compliment that I have received is being called a "Squaw".  Being a Native American, when someone uses that word it makes me cringe.  My elders have a story -That the White man made this word and it is to mean "female genitals".  Not sure if other tribes use or say this word or if it has the same meaning. That has stuck with me since I was a little girl and now I am 41.  I do educate others who seem to be misguided in history or culture knowledge. 
--Mary Goose

I'm a 5 feet 11inches black educated female. I have two Masters degrees and presently work as a nurse manager. Both on my job, and at social functions people come up to me and say " You must be great at basketball player." This "compliment" always causes my stomach to flip because, I'm not athletic at all, and I'm much more comfortable with a book.

Initially, compliments on being a great professional, manager,  speaker, or educator is never offered, always this stereotypical "compliment" because I happen to be black and tall. During most first encounters, compliments regarding my professional role or performance always take a back seat to my non existent basketball achievement.
--Wendy Daisley

 Because I'm a 6' tall black woman, I always get..."Wow you're tall.  Did you play basketball in high school?"  Internally, I always roll my eyes and with great joy tell them, "Nope.  I was a bowler," which I was because I had absolutely no interest whatsoever in playing basketball.
--Merilee Durgan

More Things NEVER to Say >>

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