DiversityInc Readers Divulge Their Most Offensive Compliments

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Is a Black person who speaks proper English unique? Is it rare to find an Asian-American or Latino person who speaks English without an accent? Apparently a lot of people still think the answer is yes, according to the "compliments" DiversityInc's readers have received.

"You speak so well" and other versions of "You're so articulate" are still high on the list of compliments that offend our readers most.  But others may surprise you; calling someone "pretty" or "skinny" in the wrong context can also be hurtful.  

No matter where the receiver is on the corporate ladder, offensive compliments can undermine confidence and create tension in the workplace, regardless of the intention.

So before you praise your Asian coworker on her math skills, take a look at the unedited "compliments" that annoy DiversityInc readers the most:

"The first thing that comes to mind is 'You have such a normal life.' I guess because I am a lesbian it is surprising to folks that my partner and I struggle with all of the same ordinary domestic challenges: Who is going to take out the garbage? Who is dropping off the dry cleaning? With whose family are we going to spend the holiday?"

--Kathleen Carlin

"Don't know how many times I was told I jumped pretty high for a white guy in schoolyard and Army pick-up basketball."

--Andy Reibson

"This comment was made by my white male boss at the time: 'You speak so well. You, and…' (He named three other Black associates)."

--Velma Carter

"I am a Nigerian, through and through … By far, the most offensive compliment I always get is 'You speak English so well.' Or, 'where did you learn to speak English.'"

--Ehis Ojemen

"I have an MBA, speak fluent Spanish and I am an executive with my firm. I hate it when white people tell me how articulate they think I am. I've come to the conclusion that white folks just don't get it!"

--Bruce Young.

"'Wow your English is very good for an Asian.' Although it was flattering to hear this from a white Australian man, now that I think about it, the compliment is quite offensive suggesting that Asians aren't expected to know very good English."

--Denz Reyes.

"You people are so good in math."

--Stella Chin

"Elder white man, (potential employer): 'you speak better than 90 percent of your people.' My response was, 'I speak better than 90 percent of your people as well."

--Aaron Birt.

"The 'compliment' I received that has offended me the most is 'You are pretty for a Black girl.' It is always non-Black guys who say this to me as if being a Black girl automatically makes you ugly."

--Efe Oghoghome

"'This is Charlie's little Mexican girlfriend,'" as I am introduced. I am 160 pounds!"

--Erlinda Patterson

"One of the most often repeated 'compliments' I've heard throughout my life is that I don't look Puerto Rican or that people don't perceive me as a 'typical' Puerto Rican.  I think these comments are somehow meant to be compliments but are offensive because I am very proud of my heritage.

--Dali Santiago

Click here to see what DiversityInc's Partner and Cofounder Luke Visconti has to say about "compliments" such as "You don't seem Puerto Rican to me."

"I used to work for a state agency. One male co-worker often commented how I always wore pants and how I would look good in a skirt. [He'd say] I shouldn't 'be afraid' to wear one -- that showing 'some leg' wasn't a bad thing."

--Samantha Edwards

"'I did not realize that so many people from the south are highly educated' … as was told to me by a human resources person whose company I used to work for."

--Mark Gilbaugh

"You're a credit to your people of your kind."

--Fred Rivenson

"You're very bright. Which of your parents is White?"

--Lisa Azlee

"I recently underwent gastric bypass surgery and have lost 125 pounds. Just the other day one of my coworkers said, 'Who'd have known you were this handsome.'" I didn't know how to take this and I still don't. Was I a hideous sight before losing the weight? Despite being obese, I still believe I was somewhat handsome to start with."

--Chris Williams

"'You are so skinny.' I have a slender build and I have had five children -- four are adults and out of the home and one still in the home -- while having a career. I know they mean well but that compliment is offending. It's like me saying, 'Your so fat.'"

--Veronica Morgan

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