7 Things NEVER to Say to LGBT Coworkers
By Daryl Hannah. Date Posted: March 07, 2008
For most, coming out at
work is not an easy task. You can't be sure how your company or peers will
respond to your revelation. And despite recent reports that the workplace is
growing increasingly accepting to LGBT employees, people often don't
know how to welcome a colleague who recently came out the closet.
PricewaterhouseCoopers executive
Stephanie Peel's history is a corporate America coming-out success story. When
she came out professionally nearly 10 years ago, she was welcomed by her
colleagues. "I came out personally in 1997 and came out professionally in 1999.
Fortunately, I never heard anything not positive," says Peel.
Peel now serves on the company's
LGBT-partner advisory board, which consists of 10--12 leaders in the firm who
are LGBT, and provides guidance to the management committee to help further
advance initiatives and activities. PricewaterhouseCoopers is No. 12 on The 2007 DiversityInc Top 50 Companies for Diversity®
list and No. 2 on the Top 10
Companies for GLBT Employees.
"I often tell people who ask me
about this [that] it's not just about what you can't say or shouldn't say
because sometimes I find that colleagues feel stymied in that they shouldn't say
anything at all. There is a lot of room for the things you can say to give clues
to people that you are inclusive and culturally sensitive," warns Peel.
So what are 10 things should you
NEVER say to your LGBT colleagues? Here's what GLSEN (the Gay, Lesbian and
Straight Education Network), Out & Equal Workplace Project, and Peel
suggest:
No. 1: "I suspected you were gay."
Although it is a common response,
it's insensitive and plays into stereotypes.
No. 2: "I'm sorry."
Why should you apologize for a
colleague's orientation? This implies judgment and can make the situation more
difficult. Would you apologize for a person's ethnicity or gender?
No. 3: "Why did you tell me that?"
It's important for people to bring
their "whole selves" to work, and coming out of the closet is certainly a part
of who one is. "The notion of leaving a big part of your self at home and
walking into work is like walking around with two types of shoes on," says
Selisse Berry executive director of Out & Equal,
an advocacy organization that provides services to companies, human-resource
professionals, employee-resource groups and
individuals.
No. 4: "Which bathroom do you
use?"
Transgender people often are asked
what gender they are. Such questions are inappropriate, warns Out & Equal.
It is important to remember that gender identity is becoming an increasingly
sensitive subject.
No. 5: "We are not close enough for
you to share that information with me."
Not all employees are interested in
their coworker's personal lives. If you feel a colleague may have shared too
much information, you can simply say, "Thank you for telling me that," says
Peel.
No. 6: Referring to coworkers as
"she-male."
There has been a lot of uproar
these days over this phrase. Transgender employees often are the brunt of
culturally insensitive jokes and comments.
No. 7: "What do you like to do in
bed?"
Sexual
questions and comments are always off-limits. Not only do you run the risk of
offending a colleague, you are also teetering the line of sexual harassment.
It's important not to be confused between trying to understand someone's
personal life and inappropriate sexual harassment, warns Kevin Jennings,
executive director of GLSEN.
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