Sometimes you're just at a loss for words. How else could you respond to a Jan. 23 mock column in Long Island newspaper The Independent that was so violently offensive in its racist attack against Democratic presidential hopeful Sen. Barack Obama and all Black people that it would make Don Imus and Rush Limbaugh blush?

As originally reported by NiaOnline, The Independent serves the rich enclave of the exclusive Hamptons, Long Island--area and boasts of having the highest distribution/circulation of any local newspaper on the east end of Long Island. The paper ran a "satirical" column on its Low Tidings page titled "Why I Should Be Our Next President," penned by Yo Mama Bin Barack. Next to the column is a photograph of  Obama. 

If it had stopped there, the mock column would have merely been in bad taste. But the attached text in reads: "Part of my strategy of becoming president is to deny I am black unless I am campaigning in Harlem. The truth is, I don't know many black people, but my advisors have drafted a strategy to reel in the black vote:

1)      Call everyone 'Brother.' Blacks, I am told, do this, even if their real brothers are most likely in jail.

2)      Talk Jive. Brothers want to hear jive. During my speech I told the crowd 'We be, you know, sick of whitey supressin' and congestin' so, you know, we won't denigrate or sophisticate but emulate and populate, you know, the system is like, broken, y'all.' I have no idea what that means. The black folks loved it though."

While Obama is the main target of the column's viciousness, it proves to be an equal-opportunity offender by going after both white women and the LGBT community. Other gems from the column include the jab that Obama would "bitch slap that Ho," referring to Sen. Hillary Clinton, should she prove to be a political threat. "White women, I am told, like that. Black women on the other hand do not."

The piece also takes a none-too-subtle poke at Democratic hopeful John Edwards' orientation by saying "If (Edwards) does make a run at me, I might consider bitch slapping him, as he is somewhat of a Pretty Boy ... If you get my gist."

Yes, we do. But good luck trying to find the column on The Independent's web site today. After NiaOnline expressed outrage over the column and demanded an explanation, Editor-in-Chief Rick Murphy offered a watered-down apology on the paper's web site. NiaOnline editor Sheryl Huggins said Murphy also forwarded her an apology where he deemed the column a "failed attempt at satire" and a "terrible lapse in judgment."

"I am sincerely sorry I have offended you. I can't explain why I chose to write the column (but I want) to assure you that we are a multicultural employer with a long history of diversity. In fact, our highest paid employer (sic) happened to be a man of color," Murphy wrote.

That's … special. Surely one of Murphy's best friends is a person of color as well.

Just last week, Golfweek Editor Dave Seanor was fired for putting the graphic image of a noose on his cover in response to comments made by ESPN golf analyst Kelly Tilghman that Tiger Woods should be taken out in a back alley and lynched by his golf competitors. Seanor at least explained he was hoping to call attention to the issue, but critics charged he was simply inflaming it, and it cost him his job. Seanor offered a weak defense for his actions, but at least it was an explanation.

So Murphy's defense that he "can't explain why" he chose to write the column and his justification that one of the highest-paid employees is a person of color rings hollow. The column wasn't removed from the paper's web site until after Murphy was called out on it by NiaOnline. In fact, rather than thinking it was a mistake in judgment at the time, it's hard not to imagine Murphy spraining a wrist patting himself on the back for his clever wit at so accurately capturing the true, secret essence of Barack Obama. If publishing a noose cover is grounds for dismissal these days, then venomous stupidity shouldn't be that far behind.

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