Here are the "compliments" that most offend you:

Your hair looks very very nice!  As if they expect it to look like black cotton on top of my head. The nerve!

--Mona Lisa

For African Americans working in corporate settings, the general attitudes of those in the majority can be quite wearing. Majority folks seem to be constantly surprised about the most mundane, most ordinary, most average skills when possessed by an African American. Surprise that though we may have attended public schools we can read and speak English as well as and frequently better than they can. For me personally, majority coworkers are often also surprised to find out that my parents have attended college and hold graduate degrees and even traveled extensively outside the country back in the 1950s. Basically any and every experience or skill or other attribute that would place me at or possibly even above their level of competence is thought to be unusual and or surprising. I think any African American that has received such compliments or looks of surprise understands that they are not meant to be insulting or demeaning--it's just that after a lifetime of hearing them, the repetition is annoying at worst and numbing at best.

--Pam Withheld

"You're so articulate!" As opposed to what?

--Frannie Pelham

Here in the Midwest, the common stereotype of a Mexican is the poor, barely-speaking-English, darker-skinned, mustached guy who works in a restaurant kitchen. Outside of my company, few people know any Mexican (or Latino) professionals, particularly the ones that don't fit in their physical stereotype. And therefore, the usual comment I get is "you don't look like a Mexican," which leaves me struggling with what I should answer.

--Jorge Noyola

I am an African-American female. It really offends me when white people "compliment" me by telling me how articulate I am. It offends me just as much when black people tell that I talk like a white person.

--Pauline Daniels

At the time I was in a biracial relationship and was in a court proceeding concerning one of my children. Every time my lawyer introduced me, he would say and she WORKS at such and such. When questioning him on why he felt he need to say that. He told me because he felt it was important that the court knew that even though I was with a black man, I have a job.

--Gail Wright

"You are a credit to your race." (Yes, in the '70s corporate workplace, I was actually told this). [Also,] "You did not sound black over the phone" (same backwards workplace).

--Bonnie Boone

"Wow! You are so articulate" is a "compliment" that offends me. I would think it should not shock a person that anyone with advanced educational degrees is articulate. What should be shocking is if he or she is not.

--Paula Bruner

"You don't talk black." I did not realize that we had a special language.

--Joyce Williams

"Where did you learn to speak such perfect English?" from the CEO of a top 3 international ad agency. I replied, "At home. Where else?" He knew I have a [bachelor's degree] from Yale and a law degree from the University of Chicago. My father was a lawyer, my mother a college professor, three of four grandparents had graduate degrees and I'm the fifth generation of college graduates. Yet, the presumption is still against us.

--Colette Holt

I called the ACLU to report a case of racial profiling, [and] reaching an intake counselor, she asked what the basis of my complaint was. I told her I was black. Her reply: "You don't sound like it." I just hung up.

--Rob Grant

I took offense to the statement: "You can hear the lack of white awareness when white people respond to being called white by saying, 'I'm not white, I'm a (name of a European country) American!' That's not to deny that person's heritage--but it illustrates an ignorance of white privilege."

I am a white guy, but I am a minority two-fold by being gay and having a disability. I have always found the term "African American" to be not only "too PC" but also incorrect. I have several friends who are white African Americans (Caucasians born in Africa who moved to America). They have told me several times that they feel like they have no identity. They also state that they are more "African" than most black Americans who have to go back 200 years for their African connection. One friend of mine got so fed up with this issue that when she was applying to college, she checked "African American" and was first offered scholarships, then was denied when they met her and saw that she was a "white African American." She was not going to accept any scholarship but she wanted to prove a point.

There is also the issue of those from other nations like Jamaica who move to America. Are they Jamaican Americans or the standard "PC" African Americans, or Jamaican African Americans?

Why is America the only country which is afraid to say black, and in that case, why are they not equally as afraid to say white? And why, if the common goal is to create equality, is there a double standard for labels?

--Daniel Will

I get irritated by white people when they compliment the color of my skin and compare my skin color to their tanned skin and then make the comment that they are darker than me. They are so proud to have temporary brown skin. How many of them would forever trade places with a black person and have all of the experiences that go along with that brown skin? 

--Ursula Stainback

A lot of times I will receive the "compliment" that "you're not really white" or "you don't act white, you're OK." In addition, I receive reactions of surprise or shock when I am the only white person at a gathering or event. I am not offended by the fact that people say that to me or react that way but I do get offended because a lot of times white people get lumped into one group that is seen as ignorant and racist. Not all white people think or act the same way, just as with any other group. Just because I have friends of all races, am not afraid to walk alone in "the ghetto," have a black fiancée and do not feel that anyone is inferior to me does not mean I am not white (and yes, I do have more than one black friend). A lot of times I am quite ashamed that I am white because some people perceive all whites to think and act the same way and other people that are white are an embarrassment to the entire race. Every race has members that may think or act in a way that is not representative of the whole group.

It really hurts to read articles that say "whites oppose this" or "whites discriminate against so and so" ... because I am white but I definitely do not agree with those notions. It would be better to say "certain groups of whites" or something along those lines. I completely realize my white privilege and although I am nowhere near wealthy, every day I consistently use my privilege to fight the oppressing powers through confronting people who don't "get it" (such as the people [to whom] the question is referring), supporting legislation that helps marginalized people, promoting diversity at my workplace as well as helping anyone who could benefit from what I can do on a personal level. It would be nice for people of all races to remember that there is no one set of thoughts, beliefs or actions that represent the entire race, and that includes white people too.

--J. Oliveira

When I wear a weave, "How do you do that with your hair?" Or, "Your hair has grown so fast!" Now, of course, they would never say this to another Caucasian person, even if they did just see the hair short on Friday and to the shoulders on Monday!

--Denise Turner

Least favorite compliment: From a straight man to me, a lesbian, when he finds out I am lesbian: "How can you be? I find you very attractive" or "You are so attractive, I never would have guessed you are a lesbian."

--H. Wishik

In a career of nearly 30 years, I've heard them all. I am both African American and Hispanic, so I get it from both sides, on top of being a female. In trying to recall the worst, I'd have to nominate this one as the worst. It is the unguarded question "YOU went to CORNELL? WOW!" The implication is that in their mind, someone like me isn't automatically worthy of such an accomplishment. I never express my annoyance.

--Beatriz Mallory

I hate it when someone tells me "You're so articulate." I think the word "articulate" should be reserved for three-year-olds whose vocabulary extends past "no" and "juice." It offends me because I have a college degree, in communications no less, but some whites deem it necessary to tell me that I am articulate. After much discussion with my parents, we've decided that I should smile and say, "Thank you, so are you." And wait for them to catch on. So far, it's been working.

--Tiffany S. Jones

I am originally from south Louisiana and consider myself a Cajun because of heritage and culture. Although I'm sure I did speak with a Cajun accent during my earlier years, I attended universities outside of south Louisiana and lost much of my accent.

When others learn that I'm a Cajun, I often get a comment similar to "you don't sound and act like a Cajun. You are articulate, have great diction, and are educated."

--Randy Viator

Although I was born in the Caribbean, when I was a child, my family emigrated to the U.S. and I was raised in N.Y. The one "insult" I am consistently "gifted" with is the following: "You speak so well." Or, my favorite "You sound so intelligent, were you born in England?"

What the hell? Because a black woman in an office environment is supposed to bust out in ghetto slang 24/7?

--Sharon Flyceiume

I had a service person come out to my home to service my stove. Our conversations were over the phone, so when he made the house call and I answered the door, he asked for Mrs. Stevenson. I responded, I'm Debra. I invited him in, and he could not speak, nor take his eyes off me, so he finally said (this is verbatim), "You speak so well; did you go to school to learn how to speak?" I said, excuse me! He stuttered and finally said, what I meant was ...

I said, as a matter of fact I did; from the day I started school, my Mom always said if the word has a letter in it, and that letter is not silent, I WANT TO HEAR IT WHEN YOU SPEAK. Also, if a word was not in the dictionary, we were not allowed to use it. Needless, to say, I was teased my whole life as a student, and when I became an adult, I was denied an apartment because I didn't sound black on the phone, and continue to hear ignorant comments.

--Debra Stevenson

I am a gay white male and have been in a relationship with my partner for 23 years. When some acquaintances and neighbors learn that I am gay, I often hear, "I would never have guessed that of you--you certainly don't act gay." I'm not sure how a gay person is supposed to act and perhaps I need special acting lessons so I'm not assumed to be a heterosexual.

--Randy Viator

My experience came about in the first law firm I worked after graduation. We had a "special client" who required extra attention because he was mentally challenged. Being the new kid on the block, of course, I drew the assignment of "taking care of him." Well, he took to me almost right away. Eventually, it got to the point where he wouldn't to talk to anyone else in the firm but me. However, that all came to a screeching halt on one beautiful southern afternoon.

During one of our thousands of conversations, he had uttered a racial slur. I told him that wasn't very nice of him and that, because I am a minority, I take great exception to his use of the slur. Undaunted, he began arguing with me that I wasn't black. This went back and forth for weeks until the day came for us to finally meet face to face.

I was assigned to pick him up and take him for a psychological examination. I knocked on the door, introduced myself and ask to speak with the client. The client comes to the door and I again introduce myself. Literally, this guy's mouth is wide open and his eyes bulging almost to the point of popping out of his head. He said, "No, you're not my lawyer. My lawyer is white." I said yeah, I am your lawyer and I am black. Don't you remember me telling you that a few weeks or so ago? He then says, "You guys are just f*cking with me ... and I ain't going nowhere with some black dude ... black guys aren't lawyers."  He then slams the door in my face and I drive back to the office and tell everyone what happened.

The managing partner promptly calls him on the phone and asks him to seek out new counsel because we longer wished to represent him.

--Efrem Owens

As an assistant professor at the Wharton School some years ago (now an endowed chair holder), I was invited to speak to a business group attending an investment symposium on campus. During the cocktail reception before dinner that evening (it usually happens after a few drinks), a middle-aged executive came up to me and asked "Where did you learn to speak? I really learned a lot from your presentation." I didn't know whether to return the insult, or to express some clever response. I simply told him that he would benefit from more exposure to black professionals and I hoped his company would hire them. He was taken aback and apologized for his remark. But he didn't say he would change the hiring policy.

--Bernard  E. Anderson