Having an Isaiah Moment? How to Deal With an Insensitive Coworker
By Rebecca White
July 19, 2007
Isaiah Washington isn't the only one whose slip of the tongue has led to termination. We spoke to experts from The 2007 DiversityInc Top 50 Companies for Diversity® on how to handle awkward or offensive comments.
Ignorance Vs. Intent
Do offensive comments all come from a place of hate? Not according to Deborah Dagit, executive director of diversity and work environment at Merck & Co., No. 18 on The 2007 DiversityInc Top 50 Companies for Diversity list. "There is a difference between ignorance and intent," says Dagit.
For Dagit, who has brittle-bone disease and is four feet in height, this topic hits close to home. While rising up the corporate ladder, she says she has experienced discrimination on many levels--but the discrimination was not always on purpose. Dagit has been called a "midget," which is one of the most offensive terms a person of short stature can be called. Dagit chooses to educate to prevent future misunderstandings.
Chris Powell, executive vice president of human resources for Scripps Networks, says that "more often than not, offensive behavior comes from ignorance, not intent."
When the intent is to hurt, "it is the leader's accountability to intervene and address," says Steven Larson, senior vice president, OD/Diversity Consultant for Wachovia, No. 11 on the Top 50. "Termination is the result of a pattern of behavior that may be intentional."
Is 'Articulate' Offensive?
Nowadays, discrimination isn't always blatant. For people of color, workplace discrimination can sometimes come in the form of a compliment. "Most people understand that you should not say the N-word," says Powell, who is black. But what about the word "articulate"?
"I might need a glass of wine for this conversation," says Powell. "I have heard those comments all my life. I personally don't take offense to them, but I understand that the person that said it has obviously not experienced or interacted with people like myself to understand that this is more normal than abnormal."
What should you say if someone calls you "articulate"? "It depends on the context," says Powell. "If they are singling me out as the only one, then I would say, 'Surely you jest.'"
Can Someone Be Too Sensitive?
Before labeling someone a bigot, a homophobe or a sexist, be careful. Sometimes, people can be too quick to judge. "Each issue needs to be taken seriously, but there is a point at which people can become hypersensitive," says Larson.
"I think to a certain degree the American workplace is over-sensitized in how we treat and interact with folks to the point that it is vanilla," says Powell.
"When someone is extra sensitive it is because they have been hurt a lot, but we don't want to get to the point where we are too afraid to talk to each other," adds Dagit.
Being 'Out' in the Workplace
The lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community has long debated the issue of whether coming out to their employers and coworkers is the best way to prevent workplace discrimination. "It is up to the individual person," says Selisse Berry, executive director, Out & Equal Workplace.
The controversy in the LGBT community stems from the fact that anti-gay slurs can often be accidental. But does that mean "accidental" offenders are not at fault? Should Isaiah Washington have been fired from the hit ABC series "Grey's Anatomy" for allegedly calling T.R. Knight "faggot"?
For businesses, the best way to prevent an "Isaiah moment" is to create more LGBT awareness. "Value education; it is a huge component in understanding issues faced by the LGBT communities," says Berry. "A lot of times people haven't really given a lot of thought to LGBT issues, so they don't know what words to use. They don't want to be insensitive, but they are not sure how to talk about a person's partner, or whether they want to be called gay or lesbian. This can make LGBT people feel isolated from their colleagues."
Should You Be a Tattletale?
What if you overhear someone using inappropriate language? Is it your responsibility to report that person? What if the offender is your boss?
Many feel conflicted about reporting coworkers whose behavior may be out of line. Just like when we were younger, being afraid of being a tattletale could mean the same thing as condoning the behavior.
"Silence suggests that you concur with what is being said," says Berry. "But sometimes, for the LGBT community, silence equals death." When it comes to LGBT issues, Dagit says, "You should stand up for the LGBT community, even when no one from that community is present."
If the offender is your boss, Dagit suggests making an anonymous complaint.
How to Say 'I'm Sorry'
It's happened to all of us. We say the wrong thing accidentally and wish we could go back in time and erase our words. Since this isn't an option, the next best thing is to say "I'm sorry."
"When you 'step in it', acknowledge your own behavior and then check for impact," says Larson. "Say, 'I've behaved in this way and I want to know how this impacted you." Larson says Wachovia puts a lot of emphasis on teaching employees to engage in dialogue to get over their differences.
"Get in the habit of asking, 'Are you OK with that?'" says Dagit, who feels that creating a community norm where we check in with each other is the way to combat workplace discrimination. "Notice the person's response, including body language, to see whether there is a mutual understanding of limits."
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