I am getting so many take aways from this book and I can’t help but feel like many reviews or reviewers have not read the book. And, I’m also add that I’m tired of white women telling me that I cannot get anything from this book. Yes, many of us women of color have been Leaning In and trying to Lean In for a long, damn time.

But, I’m where I am today thanks to many mentors (women and men alike). I continue to mentor. Simply put, it is my mandate. I am suggesting this book to my students and others. It’s not perfect, but it is useful.

I think the only real difference in your argument is in the best way to secure a mentor… not in the validity of mentorship. And there is value in both of your perspectives on how to make that happen. Securing a mentor organically… where relationships that are reciprocal in nature and you never actually say the words “will you be my mentor” likely lead to trusted lifelong connections and a different level of influence. Corporate programs are fantastic for overtly connecting people at different stages of career progression – and I think Sandberg comments that these can work too (and do so best when combined with other opportunities).

Another interesting way to think about this may be to look at (and I don’t know if this is true… but I have a guess it might be) whether or not women at the highest levels of corporations were able to organically develop mentoring relationships. If so, maybe our focus needs to be in the area of helping people build relationship skills that lead to this level of trusted interaction. Just food for thought.

Informal mentoring situations that arise organically have advantages. They is not forced, which helps to ensure that the fit is right and that the mentor and mentee both want this to happen. That dramatically increases the chances of a successful mentorship.

If Sandberg’s larger message is that you should rely more on hard work and self-learning than on mentors to get ahead, then I agree. And by the way, your counterargument is based on speculation – it largely relies on what “might have happened” had you had a mentor 30 years ago.

As I read your column, it was surprising to realize that I’ve had the benefit of several White men who were a few decades older than me and several women. Even in my current industry (with which I’m not happy), I was able to gain a mentor until we both realized we were essentially standing shoulder to shoulder and had turned into competitors. I regret the loss of the teacher but relish the many times when I would read an article and thought I was reading my own words (or vice versa).

In none of these cases was there a formal request to be mentored. Instead, the relationships evolved because my dedication showed, my work product spoke for itself, and I was bold enough to ask for their guidance (I showed my trust in them).

Women need to realize that they need to do the work to prove they’re worth the effort. No one is going to hand them an E-ride Ticket when they’re only doing A- or B-Ride work.

You raise several points with which I agree. Most significantly is the fact that mentoring is definitely a mutual growth and learning experience.

Thanks for a great read!

And we should be listening to you why?